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Give More, Why less
When you pardon, do it with grace
if you can give more, why give less
To those hurt, give them much solace
if youcan give more, why give less
If one is not enough, give brace
if you can give more, why give less
When wrong, don't be shy to confess
if you can give more, why give less
Win or lose, give your best in race
if you can give more, why give less
May kindness reflect from the face
if you can give more, why give less
goodness is about graciousness
if you can give more, why give less
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Wed, 2015-04-22 04:31
Hello Raj
This is a gracious piece in its theme and well crafted indeed. You let the form serve your intent really well by using that benignant refrain. Some lines are of seven instead of being octosyllable.
I especially loved the closing lines.
"goodness is about graciousness
if you can give more, why give less"
Kudos.
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raj
Wed, 2015-04-22 13:05
Thanks Rula for your time and
Thanks Rula for your time and read. I have now changed two 7 syllable verses to eight syllables.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
wesley snow
Wed, 2015-04-22 14:08
It takes nerve to even try one of these.
One rhyme sound throughout. You cheated with the occasional "... ace" sound, but I didn't mind the assonance as an exception.
Then, the subject is superb. I would have been a little harsher in my admonitions, but you took the high road and suggested to "give more" in a far more gentle way.
I liked the poem.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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raj
Wed, 2015-04-22 14:27
Thank you Wesley for your
Thank you Wesley for your time and comment
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Thu, 2015-04-23 18:45
Raj
I've forgotten about this form and you reminded me. Love the message, the flow and the style. Thanks for sharing.
Alid
raj
Fri, 2015-04-24 14:07
Thank you Alid for your time
Thank you Alid for your time and read
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)