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HAUNTED HOUSE COMP
Darkness draped around the mature tomb
The worn weathered battered door
and timber splintered floors. Every tred
my heart beats fiercely. Rodent groan
Hinges alerting the roaming spirits
and my uninvited presence even the lob sided
webbed portrait frame judging my existence.
I stabb my beam around the darkness
There I see blood rain dripping off the ceiling
then losing its volume I'm frozen jaw locked open
Iam not going any further past the blood dripped
curtain.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Rough still working on it
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-01-09 14:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Haunted House Comp" effectively creates a spooky and eerie atmosphere through its vivid descriptions and use of sensory imagery. The use of words like "darkness," "mature tomb," "worn weathered battered door," and "timber splintered floors" help to establish a sense of foreboding and decay. The mention of the "roaming spirits" and the "webbed portrait frame" adds to the haunted ambiance of the poem.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider the flow and structure of the poem. While the fragmented and disjointed structure can contribute to the overall sense of unease, it may be beneficial to experiment with different line breaks or punctuation to enhance the rhythm and pacing. This could help the reader to better engage with the poem and its haunting atmosphere.
Additionally, it would be helpful to further develop the narrative or emotional arc of the poem. Currently, the poem focuses on setting the scene and describing the haunted house, but it would be interesting to
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-01-11 07:05
Hello!
I love spooky situations an haunted house motifs! This piece is very descriptive in language usage. I am glad I read it!
*hugs, Cat
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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Jokerface82
Thu, 2024-01-11 07:31
Thank you
I'm a big fan of horror I read alot of horror especially splatterpunk and short stories
author commentCandlewitch
Thu, 2024-01-11 07:35
:)
then you should read my eddy styx poems, lol!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jokerface82
Thu, 2024-01-11 07:38
Right !
Who's Eddy Stysx forgive me ?
author commentCandlewitch
Thu, 2024-01-11 07:43
:)
eddy styx is my evil alter ego who writes dark poetry. you can find his work by clicking on my picture and going to my page. Look for the poems that have eddy styx by my name.
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jokerface82
Thu, 2024-01-11 07:46
Right
Ok Will do thanks !
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