The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "In the wine glass" presents a vivid picture of despair and longing, using a variety of metaphors and imagery. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved for clarity and impact.

1. Consistency in Metaphor: The poem begins with the metaphor of two individuals merging like wine in a glass. This metaphor is not carried through the rest of the poem, which could lead to confusion for the reader. Developing this metaphor further could provide a stronger thematic thread throughout the poem.

2. Spelling and Grammar: There are a few errors that disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, "Watter" should be "Water", and "Outhere" should be two separate words: "Out here". Correcting these errors will make the poem more accessible to readers.

3. Punctuation: The poem lacks punctuation, which can make it difficult to understand the intended rhythm and pauses. Including punctuation could help guide the reader through the poem.

4. Show, Don't Tell: The line "So as my will for life weeping" tells the reader directly about the speaker's despair. Instead of telling the reader, consider using imagery or metaphor to show this despair. This could create a more powerful emotional impact.

5. Line Breaks: The line breaks in the poem seem arbitrary and do not contribute to the overall meaning or rhythm. Consider revising the line breaks to enhance the poem's musicality or to emphasize certain words or ideas.

6. Word Choice: The word "numb" is a common descriptor that may not fully convey the speaker's emotional state. Consider using a more specific or unusual word to create a stronger image.

In summary, while the poem effectively conveys a sense of despair and longing, improvements could be made in the areas of consistency, spelling and grammar, punctuation, showing versus telling, line breaks, and word choice.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

The power of sadness captured perfectly!
Mark

This line got me thinking.

Watter from ceiling was dripping !!!
Is it water you meant or it's just watter?
Thank you for sharing with us. I'd rather learn how to fish than beg for one.

Hello!
Welcome to Neopoet!
This holds much sorrow and melancholy. The word "Numb" really stands out and defines the feeling of the poem. Very strong poetry.
Thank you,
Lavender