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But I could not touch you
i left poetry everywhere
i scattered them with salt and pepper,
cardamom and lemon grass,
rosemary,
vanilla and saffron
& heaped them on your plate,
i hid them under your pillow
to sleep on their magnificence:
lines to make you weep
& capture stardust in wild blue
& mottled green with flakes
of red & gold, ochre and ginger.
i hid them in Dingo's shedding fur,
i carved them into streaming daylight
but i could not touch you
last night i relented,
what if one of us never wakes?
you were already sleeping
when i put my arms around you,
you clasped them close to your heart,
wordlessly,
and i,
like a tamed koi
in the pond where white wisteria grow,
swim close to your hand.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Sparrow
Wed, 2015-06-10 19:33
Anna
A lovely write and the ending with realisation came where just a physical touch could mean more than many words.
Only if you cannot reach the other person then the words will bridge the gap..
The last line would it be better to use swam instead of swim, the line above it grow should then be grows:-
and i, like a tamed koi
in the pond where white wisteria grows,
swam close to your hand.
Yours as always Ian xx
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Kailashana2
Thu, 2015-06-11 07:44
Hi Ian, thanks for reading.
Hi Ian, thanks for reading.
However, the preceding stanzas were written of the past, the last stanza is writing in the present.
I think you understand why.
Sparrow
Thu, 2015-06-11 17:25
Anna
As long as your words are put in the way you want them to be, it is OK, it is just me reading wrongly.
Yours, Ian xx
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
emeka ozurumba
Fri, 2015-06-12 11:09
lovely poem
very beautiful and emotional piece worth of recommendation, very sweet melody accompanist each line
Esker
Fri, 2015-06-12 13:11
Beauty in the land
I like how you write things...the lah lands are similar in my worlds....a vision poem..Excellent
Thank U !