Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

ICU Pillows

Submitted by RTBeverly on Fri, 2024-01-05 14:00

ICU Pillows for big and small
Fluff fluff fluff one size fits all
Some support you to your death
Wiped down, then stuffed behind another's central-lined neck
Under legs, arms, and butts
Brain matter, sputum, blood, and guts
Alcohol and bleech wipes grab a pillow case on repeat
elevate these feet, I feel weak
Which ICU pillow are you going to give me? Can I have many?
A warm blankie, too. I'm cold and skinny, having trouble breathing
Take them down to CT accidentally leave three

Fluff fluff fluff stuff stuff stuff
Icu pillows rolled in slough

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
The pillows in the ICU get recycled. So, like a box of chocolates you'll never know what you're going to get. It's funny though because they are the item that will make someone the most comfortable.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
01/24 An Act Of Bravery
Content level: 
Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-01-05 20:01

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "ICU Pillows" presents a vivid picture of the intensive care unit environment, using the metaphor of the pillow to represent the various experiences and conditions of the patients. The use of repetition ("fluff fluff fluff") and rhyme creates a rhythmic flow that contrasts with the harsh realities described in the poem.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of imagery and metaphor. The line "ICU pillows rolled in slough" is a strong image, but it would be more effective if the poem built up to this image more gradually.

The poem also tends to shift between different perspectives, which can be confusing for the reader. For example, the lines "Which ICU pillow are you going to give me? Can I have many?" suggest a first-person perspective, while the rest of the poem seems to be from a third-person perspective. Sticking to one perspective could make the poem more coherent and impactful.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more precise language. For instance, the line "Alcohol and bleech wipes grab a pillow case on repeat" could be rewritten to more clearly convey the intended meaning.

Overall, the poem effectively uses the metaphor of the ICU pillow to explore the realities of intensive care, but could be improved with more consistent imagery, perspective, and language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Tawny023

Sun, 2024-01-21 05:33

I thoroughly enjoyed this and as mentioned bleach but the ct line and leave three? I hate this but I was not sure what this means. Maybe it’s from a personal medical background but the three I know means something here umm. As it comes at the end I do not think I was left with the lasting impression this poem so urgently demands.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.