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An Imperfect Solution
I built a ladder
with one rung
I haven't decided if
it's the top one
or bottom
if the top
most won't be able to reach it
if bottom
no one will be able to climb very high
so what to do?
multiple rungs might be the answer
who will be nimble enough
to make it to the top
who'll be left to flop
on the bottom
let the scramble begin
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
not all thoughts come out as poetically as one wishes...I'd rather just be spouting "poetry"
every time I opened my mouth...but sometimes it's just words!
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Tue, 2017-08-22 10:34
My take
Parable of the Ladder
I built a ladder
with one rung
I haven't decided if
it's the top one
or bottom
if the top
most won't be able to reach it
if bottom
no one will be able to climb very high
so what to do?
multiple rungs might be the answer
who will be nimble enough
to make it to the top
who'll be left to flop
on the bottom
let the scramble begin
I think that covers it. The word scramble is very strong, indicates our chaotic nature when presented an intellectual puzzle. I think the last 2 stanzas introduces a moral question which is not needed to state, it's inherent in the playful philosophical dialogue.
I named it parable as it does seem to have that aspect. I had to look up rung, i was always calling it a step and actually never heard that word before!
I particularly like your comments too, it's a poem!
Sometimes
I'd rather just be spouting "poetry"
every time I opened my mouth...
but sometimes it's just words!
Mark
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
brittle light
Tue, 2017-08-22 11:08
ah ha! I see what you mean
ah ha! I see what you mean
The last two stanzas gave me a headache...the old adage "when in doubt, throw it out" seems like good advise for questionable food, and should be applicable to weak poetry stanzas!
I'll dump them now before anyone else gets salmonella of the mind.
the little poem you discovered...is called "found poetry" like "wash, rinse, repeat". Sounds interesting Maybe I'll investigate further
thanks for your insightful input
Al