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Infant Sorrow by William Blake(Stripped for imagery shop)
Infant Sorrow (submitted by Rula)
My mother groaned, my father wept:
Into the dangerous world I leapt,
Helpless, naked, piping loud,
Like a fiend hid in a cloud.
Struggling in my father's hands,
Striving against my swaddling-band
Bound and weary, I thought best
To sulk upon my mother's breast.
stripped version :
Mother groaned, father wept
into the world I lept
Struggling in hands
striving
I thought best
to sulk
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Hopefully this keeps enough of the bones to be identifiable
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
Rula
Sat, 2017-07-15 05:44
Hello Stan
I am not sure I am getting the idea of stripping the poem from imagery. If I am to strip this poem I won't keep words like wept, lept and groaned. Yes they are verbs but they show much as I see it. What do you think?
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scribbler
Sat, 2017-07-15 09:02
Hi Rula
I am trying to strip as much as I can but still leave enough so that a later reader can still get the gist of the poem. I might have given better instructions
scribbler
Sat, 2017-07-15 09:02
Hi Rula
I am trying to strip as much as I can but still leave enough so that a later reader can still get the gist of the poem. I might have given better instructions
wesley snow
Sat, 2017-07-15 08:35
That's more like it.
Most of the stripped poems I have read are full of imagery. Yours is not. You truly ruined the poem without losing its meaning. Well done on the exercise. you did it.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
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scribbler
Sat, 2017-07-15 09:03
Hi Wes
There a thin line between stripping everything which remotely could be considered imagery and trying to keep enough of the poem to still have its bones
Rula
Sat, 2017-07-15 10:34
I was just
trying to understand how much imagery we should strip. Now I get it.
Thank you.
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scribbler
Sat, 2017-07-15 12:53
The
Reason for trying to maintain the meaning of the poem when stripped will become evident later on
weirdelf
Sun, 2017-07-16 13:25
I have only one mssion now on Neopoet.
To get a smile or laugh out of Wesley.
Better still, for you to say something funny, Wes.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Sun, 2017-07-16 17:55
OK
Why did ant crawl up the cow's back leg twice? Because he got pissed off the first time......that work?
wesley snow
Thu, 2017-07-20 08:38
I will confess...
that I don't any longer seem to have a sense of humor.
You keep trying Jess. I would love to laugh again.
I smile sometimes.
Good joke Stan.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
weirdelf
Thu, 2017-07-20 19:54
My favourite-
Did you hear about the dyslectic, agnostic, insomniac?
He lies awake in bed at night wondering if there is a dog.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry