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Love Lies, Bitter/Sour

Submitted by docmaverick on Wed, 2012-04-11 06:45

Promises with sentiment,
selflessness portrayed;

lustful motives so, hell-bent
with the goal of getting, laid.

Only half with earnest hearts,
the other half don't care;

but, they're the ones throwing the darts,
with such accuracy, it isn't "fair"!

Sorrows coerce, heavy hearts to break
as unions fade away;

bonus points, are what they "fake",
when there's nothing left to say.

Each time-line turns, bitter/sour
sadness, refusing to stop;

as eyes turn lifeless, by the hour
hopes, and dreams, begin to drop!

Then afterwards, those whom endure
when "push", comes down to "shove";

they're the ones whose hearts are, pure;
because they're truly filled with, "love"!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
More Meter

Comments

Starlight

Wed, 2012-04-11 09:12

Starlight's picture

i really liked this! the pattern was spot on and it speaks truth.

docmaverick

Mon, 2012-04-30 21:04

docmaverick's picture

...that you, sweet dutches.....possess a "truer", etherical way of viewing certain things, wouldn't you say?
Either that, or you're just a very, old soul.
Thanx....for the encouragement. We need it at every stage of our lives, so that we can better cope; with who each of us are.
You're a gem,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

Tommi Cordial

Wed, 2012-04-11 16:46

Tommi Cordial's picture

Nice spin on fate i think.
Thanks
Tommi

Tommi Cordial

Dawn breaks over marble head...

docmaverick

Mon, 2012-04-30 21:19

docmaverick's picture

...I was delighted that you found "favor" with my poem ! (You, with such a discerning eye...and all)!
I must apologize for not responding much, much sooner; but, my computer was tragically, and unfairly treated poorly; (In a "cosmic"...sort of way!)
At any rate....I thank you, once again;
docmaverick.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
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