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Misfit
He dodges labels, left and right
avoiding conformity,
with every fibre.
He rails against authority,
sticks two fingers up at society,
he has autonomy.
A member of humanity,
longing to lose his membership.
He craves freedom from the insanity.
A member of humanity,
but not just another statistic
He craves his right for anonymity
You won't pin him down
he is elusive.
He is an anarchist.
A solitary soul,
a misfit by design.
He is anti conventional strife.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Fri, 2010-12-24 02:28
I think you have found your
I think you have found your niche, Lou. But isn't the title *Solitary*?
For some reason it reminds me of the Dos EqUis commercials on the *most interesting man in the world*.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1imLlJzcfY&NR=1
~
lou
Fri, 2010-12-24 02:51
Anna
Thank you , I'll take a look at your link.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Psyve
Fri, 2010-12-24 04:34
Lou,
This felt to me as if it was inspired in some part by the Julian Assange controversy, which is very much in the papers these days.
And then it reminded me of an individual back when I was an Architecture student, who also took great care and pride in his "Social Misfit" status: a good designer who delighted in thumbing his nose at his professors and who ended up needing 7 years to get through a 5 year course.
Psyve
lou
Fri, 2010-12-24 04:53
Psyve
I'm afraid i'm not that smart LOL ! There's no connection to the Julian Assange debacle.
It is just a subject that appeals to me, and an aspiration of mine.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
mand
Fri, 2010-12-24 04:38
Hi Lou
I always like your poems.
LOads of love
Mand xxxxxx
lou
Fri, 2010-12-24 04:54
Mand
Thanks, i'm glad you like them.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Fri, 2010-12-24 07:34
Dear Lou,
Good poem,
A member of humanity,
longing to lose his membership.
He craves freedom from the insanity.
makes me think he is suicidal. It reminds me of an old boyfriend who was very self-destructive. And highly intelligent.
Merry Christmas to you.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Fri, 2010-12-24 07:59
Cat
I'm glad you liked it, the person is fictional.
Hope you have a good Xmas.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Geezer
Fri, 2010-12-24 11:27
Glad to hear...
that it is a fictional person. [Two] fingers? Must be really pissed! A two fisted finger flinger! Really good work, gives great images. ~ Love ya, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Eduardo Cruz
Fri, 2010-12-24 13:59
Lou
when we are unconventional, is when we are at our best. why be corraled like cattle, when we know the ways of the free spirit that lives waiting for its escape. And escape you have!!
So fly and do not let yourself be anchored to the dream life of the world for it is only a fog.
Always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
lou
Fri, 2010-12-24 14:13
Eddie
I am not the person in the poem, because I am a female, but we all strive for freedom.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Eduardo Cruz
Fri, 2010-12-24 14:24
lou
I know your a female, but I am one that does not look at your sex but at what you accomplish as a person. I only see the freedom you have conveyed in this write and how because of your indiviualism the world see you as a misfit. I say Bravo to you.
again I know your a female. and still I say respect to you!!
Always Eddie
(we are all Gods/Goddess of our own heaven, and those that don't see it then this is their hell)
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
lou
Fri, 2010-12-24 16:09
Eddie
I'm glad you know I'm female, my name has proved confusing for some LOL
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Hooded Stranger
Fri, 2010-12-24 18:22
Lou
Lou,
I was surprised you called it 'misfit'...surely 'Hooded Stranger' would have been a better title!! Lol!
Loved this piece, although the middle part, which could be considered a chorus would need tightening up if it is a chorus.
That said, loved it!
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
lou
Fri, 2010-12-24 23:17
HS
I considered calling it Hooded Stranger, but I didn't want to give you a swollen head LOL
I'm really happy that you like it so much.
p.s How would you tighten the chorus ?
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Hooded Stranger
Sat, 2010-12-25 07:51
Lou
Lou,
I can handle a swollen head!!
Chorus:
A member of humanity,
longing to lose his membership.
He craves freedom from the insanity.
A member of humanity,
but not just another statistic
He craves his right for anonymity.
The line with 'statistic ' felt too long so it needed to be shortened to keep in better meter with the first chorus. The last line of second chorus needed to be longer to keep in same meter as last line of the first chorus. My versions are done quickly as it is 1pm on Xmas day and I have had one too many Jack Daniels, but hopefully my ideas give the idea of what needed changing.
regards,
HS
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Workshops are now open:
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
lou
Sat, 2010-12-25 08:45
HS
The Jack Daniels don't seem to have hampered you lol !
Thanks mate.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!