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My Dreams (For Wes Meter WS)
I release my dreams to dance with the stars
and watch them shine with colors of hopes
or perish and turn to dusts of life,
reborn again in another time
My try in parsing -
I release/ my dreams /to dance/ with the stars
and watch/ them shine/ with co/lors of hopes/
or per/ish and turn/ to dusts/ of life,
reborn/ again/ in ano/-ther time
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
alidzain
Tue, 2015-03-17 16:29
Here's the description
This poem is in iambic pentameter
wesley snow
Tue, 2015-03-17 16:39
It is and nicely done.
Can you write us one in combination? Iamb and anapest together?
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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alidzain
Tue, 2015-03-17 16:54
Wes
Done that. What do you think?
Alid
wesley snow
Tue, 2015-03-17 17:25
Where is it?
I must have missed it. Can you send me a link? Or tell me where to look?
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
scribbler
Tue, 2015-03-17 17:30
see
his parsing for the mix
alidzain
Tue, 2015-03-17 17:45
Thanks Stan
I kinda wonder what is happening when Wes says he can't see it. lol. Guess he's quite stressed out.
Alid
scribbler
Tue, 2015-03-17 22:27
lmao!
"stressed" out huh? Maybe we're all getting stressed by stresses
wesley snow
Tue, 2015-03-17 17:29
You're right.
It is a combo. I'm an idiot. Your work here is done. Make sure you critique anything else to come, but I think you will be the only one to finish.
Bravo.
I hope you continue to use what we talked about and not forget it.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
alidzain
Tue, 2015-03-17 17:48
will do, Wes
but sometimes its hard especially for the one in my "Hell On Earth" and "To All The Women I Love" poems. Tht will take time and the wait for me to be a bit better.
Alid