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My First Internet Experiments
My first internet experience was kinda lame ––
Nothing worked! ––
With a 40 meg hard drive and one meg 'o RAM …
Email barely existed and was inaccessible.
I tried chat rooms ––
The forerunner of social media ––
To no avail:
No one ever got back to me!
What was I doing wrong?
I never did figure it out.
An old friend from high school
Sent me a link of some kind
To a chat room;
She was living in Texas at the time,
But the link never worked
And we lost touch.
I heard she got married
Found some peace and happiness briefly
After having lived a hard life
With too many abusive men
Including
Her father ––
A life of pain
With a brief moment of happiness
Before cancer took her
So young! ––
I still miss her!
She was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever known …
The Internet.
We called it the "I-Net" back then
And the Web was waiting
For Armand Hammer
(As well as Cow Brand)
To bring it to life.
Peace
And
Environmentalism
Gave us the Web
Courtesy of the Baking Soda King
Who used to do business with Russia
Before
The collapse
Of the Soviet Union
And the Cold War
We grew up with
And
Were
Always
Afraid of.
The Bomb
Nuclear Annihilation.
I used to dream of it
At night
Seeing the missiles flying by overhead
And that sick feeling
"They finally did it!"
Of knowing
It was all over ––
The end
Of Everything
Forever.
Waking up
Was such a relief!
Armand Hammer
The International Peace Network
Gave us
The World Wide Web
As the nightmare
Finally faded away …
Coquitlam, BC 08-06-2024
Style / type:
Free verse
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-06-11 02:43
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "My First Internet Experiments" is a narrative piece that intertwines personal experiences with the evolution of the internet. It successfully employs a conversational tone, which makes it relatable and easy to understand.
However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. Firstly, the transition from personal experiences to historical events could be smoother. The sudden shift from the narrator's personal story to the history of the internet and the Cold War might be confusing for some readers. It might be beneficial to weave these elements together more seamlessly or provide clearer links between them.
Secondly, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of imagery and metaphor. The poem begins with a concrete description of the narrator's early internet experiences, but this level of detail is not maintained throughout the poem. In the latter part, the poem becomes more abstract, discussing concepts like peace and environmentalism. Maintaining a consistent level of detail and imagery throughout the poem could help to engage the reader more effectively.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more focused theme or message. While it covers a range of topics - from personal experiences to historical events - it's not entirely clear what the central theme or message of the poem is. It might be beneficial to refine the poem to ensure that a clear, consistent message or theme is conveyed to the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
Tue, 2024-06-11 02:40
Hello L. B
Thank you for sharing your poem(s)
Seems like these are two not one.
I read the first poem which I believe read more like prose. Maybe adding some internal rhymes will take the piece to a more poetic realm.
However the blend of frustration and loss are well expressed through out the poem.
P s.Would you please choose one poem and stick to it as the contest permits one piece per member.
Please find the rules in this link
https://www.neopoet.com/contest/0624-my-first-internet-memory
Thank you for sharing
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Lord Barham
Wed, 2024-06-12 15:23
number of poems
I only uploaded a single poem, the one above. What is this other poem?
author commentLord Barham
Wed, 2024-06-12 15:42
explanation
I first tried using the internet in 1990, shortly after buying my first computer. It was a 286 and was top-of-the-line for less than three months, when the 386 was released, followed a few months later by the 486. At some point, the first version of Windows came out. It was virtually unusable (a friend had it on his 486: I couldn't run it on mine, since I only had 1 meg of RAM and Windows required 4 to run.). Very convoluted to do anything, and I stuck with DOS until later in the decade, when I bought a Powermac 7300 (and was finally able to use the internet effectively, as well as use email).
In 1990, I was working (mostly as a volunteer, but full time) for the BC Environmental Network. As a member of the board, I had free internet access. Around this time, people came to us from the Peace Network or whatever it was called and talked to us about this thing Armand Hammer –– who was a big sponsor of the Peace Network because he did business with and in the Soviet Union –– was creating called The Web, proposing that we should support it (which we did). Armand Hammer owned both brands of baking soda: Arm and Hammer and Cow Brand (which I learned from our discussions with the guys from the Peace Network). Simultaneously, I discovered chatrooms on the internet, and an old friend, finding I was on line, got in touch with me and invited me to join a chatroom she was part of. Meanwhile, peace was breaking out throughout the world, as the Soviet Union collapsed, thereby ending (for a few decades, at least) the ever-present threat of nuclear war. This was the background to my first internet experiences: nothing seemed to work on the internet; the Soviet Union fell apart and the threat of nuclear war ended; and, finally, a friend got in touch with me on the internet, tried to get me to join her chatroom conversation; subsequently met the right guy, got married, got cancer, and died. What ties it all together (at least for me) is that this all happened simultaneously.
author commentRula
Wed, 2024-06-12 16:50
Thank you for the clarification
I still believe though that the narrative side of the poem needs some refinement. But that's only me. Let's see what others might say.
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