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A Near Disaster

Submitted by Punkyfrewster on Fri, 2024-06-14 08:05

5%...
Where’s my charger?
4%...
Where’s the outlet?
3%...
Where’s my phone?
2%...
I found the charger!
1%...
I found my phone!
I plug it in.
1 hour 52 minutes…

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Contest:

06/24 Five Percent Battery

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-06-14 14:10

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively captures the frantic search for a charger and outlet as the phone battery dwindles. The repetition of percentages creates a sense of urgency and the relief at finding the charger and phone is palpable. However, the poem could benefit from further exploration of emotions or reflections during this experience to deepen its impact on the reader. Consider delving into the feelings of frustration, panic, or relief in more detail to enhance the narrative. Additionally, experimenting with different poetic devices such as imagery or metaphor could add layers of complexity to the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Michael Anthony

Fri, 2024-06-14 10:24