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NOMADS -- updated
NOMADS
When the battles are over
and no one has won
we gather our chattles
and farther we run.
But there is no peace
where conscience abides
there is no home
where treachery resides.
And so nomads we become
wandering from sun to sun
pushing tiime beyond its limits
before we are forever done
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Comments
judyanne
Mon, 2012-04-16 06:47
that is what we are joe
l like this write , and see nothing to crit
it has a wonderful rhythm
i am especially drawn to the last stanza
'And so nomads we become
wandering from sun to sun
living our time until by Time
we are done.'
love judy
xxx
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Geremia
Mon, 2012-04-16 09:45
Thank you ,JUDY. I weote this
Thank you ,JUDY. I weote this in less than 5 min. Some will say it shows.
love to you, JUDY
author commentmagics02
Mon, 2012-04-16 09:06
Che Bello
Glad to see you here today. I stop in for a bit as I can not spend all day in Neopoet like before but I am so happy to read you
there is no home
where treachery resides.
So true so true the house is the home where love abides for most of us. I like this and the ending is great
Missed you Joe. Hope all is well for you now.
Blessings of love - Mona
Geremia
Mon, 2012-04-16 16:14
grazie, Mona e Anni'
grazie, Mona e Anni'
Mona IM Anni, She is the on;y one I have confided in.
author commentNordic cloud
Mon, 2012-04-16 14:01
This is lovely, just right,
This is lovely, just right,
said in succint style,
and with poetic flair that shows.
Nomads, ah yes,
as you know by me coming to USA
and travelling alone there
partly anyway,
I love being a nomad, we love being nomads.
Anni
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Esker
Mon, 2012-04-16 22:29
wandering
"nomads we become wandering from sun to sun"
brilliant line
when I want finished works i shall go to Coles
when I want "living" poetry I shall remain
here reading
Thank You sir!
Geremia
Tue, 2012-04-17 06:54
But it is I who thank you, my
But it is I who thank you, my friend.
Joe
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2012-04-16 22:49
Hi Joe
No matter where we go there we are eh? lol. A few things you are probably already aware of :
L-4 a bit it reads as Yoda no? lol Maybe something like....and then we all run
L-11 if you want to avoid the clost time repeat you could substitute life for the first time
But this was an enjoyable shorty as is................stan
Geremia
Tue, 2012-04-17 07:02
Thanks, San. I am going ack
Thanks, San. I am going ack into poem to see what needs o be done.I do like the rrepetition f time
though.
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2012-04-17 07:15
yes
The yoda line was a valid crit,
but I agree, the time repetition serves valid poetic purpose,
sorry Stan.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Mon, 2012-04-16 23:31
A poet's poem, Joe,
embody's the precept of "compression of meaning", with elegance.
Just one line
we gather our belongings
bothers me a little, belongings is a tad awkward and spoils the meter. Perhaps chattels or possessions?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Geremia
Tue, 2012-04-17 00:22
Yes, I see. Will make change.
Yes, I see. Will make change. Thanks.
Joe
author commentNordic cloud
Tue, 2012-04-17 09:37
Time and time again.
The repetition of time is needed as it creates the whole end of the cadenza with a flourish, giving the rhythm of its utterance the form of dance steps as we move from place to place...like nomads, in the poem.
Ann...o domin...i
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Geremia
Tue, 2012-04-17 15:51
Yes. But I changed the verse.
Yes. But I changed the verse.
author commentNordic cloud
Wed, 2012-04-18 14:30
Is neat but now I won't tap
Is neat but now I won't tap dance to it. :) Anni
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.