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Ode to my father
The great canyon mountain
Above is the vast blue horizon sky
Across there stands a tall
fearless high courageous mountain
portray bold as no others can defeat him
Like a mighty guardian angel come to
protect his nature land
In the hot barren dessert that it stands
despite facing many obstacles
nothing can tear it down
even with the own reflection echo sound
Through rain or shine, cold and hot
It stays strong and remains to survive
To let nothing breakthrough
With the thick and rough layer of skin
To always keep steady and strenuous
To show its persistence and determination
This is the image of my father figure
To find his fatherly love for me profoundly
More than life itself unconditionally
That I am proud to call him my role model
and a hero
Style / type:
Free verse
Editing stage:
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Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2023-06-03 06:42
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Ode to my father," effectively utilizes the metaphor of a mountain to represent the strength, resilience, and protective nature of the father figure. This metaphor is consistent throughout the poem and helps to create a vivid image of the father's character. However, there are some areas where the poem could be improved to enhance its clarity and impact.
1. Imagery and word choice: The poem begins with a description of the "great canyon mountain" and the "vast blue horizon sky." This sets the scene, but the description could be more specific to create a stronger visual image. Consider using more precise language to describe the mountain and its surroundings. Additionally, some phrases, such as "fearless high courageous mountain" and "thick and rough layer of skin," could be rephrased to avoid redundancy and enhance the imagery.
2. Structure and punctuation: The poem's structure appears to be free verse, with no consistent rhyme scheme or meter. While this can be an effective choice, it is essential to ensure that the line breaks and punctuation contribute to the poem's meaning and readability. Some lines, such as "Like a mighty guardian angel come to / protect his nature land," could benefit from clearer punctuation to guide the reader through the intended meaning. Additionally, consider revising the line breaks to create a more consistent rhythm and flow.
3. Clarity and coherence: The poem's central metaphor is clear, but some lines and phrases are difficult to understand, such as "even with the own reflection echo sound." Consider revising these lines to enhance the poem's overall coherence and ensure that the intended meaning is clear to the reader.
4. Emotional impact: The poem effectively conveys the speaker's admiration for their father, but it could benefit from more specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate the father's qualities. This would help to create a stronger emotional connection between the reader and the subject of the poem.
By addressing these suggestions, the poem can be refined to create a more vivid and impactful portrayal of the father figure and the speaker's admiration for him.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Obadiah Grey
Sat, 2023-06-03 10:04
Getting better sunshine !!!
Getting better sunshine !!!
Obi.
Hon
Sun, 2023-06-04 00:45
Feedback
To whom it may concern:
While I am unsure what a few line of your feedback is about. It didn’t demonstrate clearly what your point is about. I ask that we all show respect to all our fellow writers if this meant well otherwise if this is for sarcastic I kindly ask this to be removed.
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2023-06-04 10:55
The comment...
was to the AI who seems to be getting better at its job! I suppose that the AI is a fellow writer, but it doesn't have feelings, so does it matter that the AI isn't human, or should we be defending it against sarcastic remarks?
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Obadiah Grey
Sun, 2023-06-04 13:01
Thought your poem was
Thought your poem was beautiful,
Thought the AI said all and more that I could,
sorry for the confusion, were your piece not to my liking
I would not have bothered commenting .
Obi.
Obadiah Grey
Sat, 2023-06-03 10:05
What he said ^^^^^^ Obi.
What he said ^^^^^^
Obi.
Geezer
Sat, 2023-06-03 17:56
Yeah...
What he said...
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.