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OH YE MOON. PLS GLOW

_*@YungPrinzeT*_
14/07/2017
1.01AM

*OH YE MOON, PLS GLOW*

Oh ye moon pls glow
For I'm lost in the dark
Let thy current flow
That the stark may spark.

How I wish it was summer
So I could shower
In the light of my lover
Whose feelings in me grew high & higher.

But the winter entrapped me in cold confines
Of unreal times
Where stood my emotions & love spines
With low melancholic lines
Which echoes loud cries,
Like the flapping of the bird wings to fly 
& travel on hopeless path of many miles.

The night draw nigh
To make not the sky sigh
But to eye my
Heart to pry
Each time it try
To mend my broken affection thigh
To align not with love lie.

But now, 
The body is weak
The mouth cannot speak
The breast dry up of no milk.
Who shall save this heart not to shrink?
A riddle ship never willing to sink......

O ye moon pls glow
& let the new lilies grow
Beside the fresh waters that flow.

Written by:
Poroye Ezekiel Tobiloba (POET)
CEO, Palace of Exclusive Thoughts
[email protected]

Editing stage: 

Comments

that you just threw a lot of words in there, to make more lines and without regard for making sense.
I also deplore the use of abbreviations such as [pls] to what purpose I have no idea. I mean, there are plenty of words as long in this work. Not a very satisfactory start to a work, regardless of being a rough draft. ~ Geezer.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

thanks Geezer for this. I'd adjust

author comment

I liked the rhythm and theme
Your writing style is a just bit different from the poetry norms.
However I liked your description of the moon glow

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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