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Outed

One starry night a month ago
An umbilical fibre stubbed my toe
I chanced upon this cord pulled tight
Shiny and dancing yet very light

It came from a dark and handsome
Man whose talent is feted throughout the land
His words are revered in soft applause
But another abides behind his closed doors

Hiding behind a spurious mask which is sniffed at and sidelined, left-over and last
This foppish fool seeks only your eyes
And bathes in your favour and swims in his lies

His manufacture and propped up position
Allows our man to reveal his decision
To be seen in comparison with this dolt
As brilliant, superior the winning colt

Our man has misjudged this closet door swinging
Open and creak like a canary singing
I write this amazed at the curious blend
Of deception and play to further his end
Allow the manman to fool his friend
His aim was to deliver an alias to aid his pride as
Wonder boy shines whenside by side
Why would he shovealter out to play
When he had already had his way
Is he frail and slivered from his prolific mass
Slowly engulfed by a noxious gas
Of praise and fete by fellow members
I’ve caught you out
And the friend, remembers
The strange development of the character tendered
That of no real description or gender
Just a photo of a flower by this sender
So transparent

Oh I give full points for trying
You aren’t being outed
But less of a genious needs to be touted

Where can you go
Unmasked and naked
You weren’t so clever
Nice try, my friend

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

This totally reminds me of an epic poem! It's really fun and fascinating.

I can see that you were going for quatrains with each stanza, but some either got a little mashed together with formatting, or you were experimenting with the form. I would love to know which, either so I can talk to you about the experimenting or guide you through fixing the mash up. 

 

If I can make one suggestion, the line "His manufacture and propped up position" is a bit awkward for me. "manufacture and propped up position" is a bit wordy and doesn't seem to fit the precise and advanced language you use in the rest of the poem.

Are you using "manufacture" and "propped" to imply that he got this high position by having others lift him up arbitrarily and without him earning a high position? If so, then you might use something like "His manufactured and croynistic position" (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cronyism) or something else that gets across the same idea with more efficient or eloquent wording.

Just a thought! Definitely looking forward to reading more of your work and seeing what other kinds of epic adventures you might have in store for us readers here at Neopoet.

Kelsey

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