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Oversharing (for Rose Black)
Let me present you the gift of my time
Most precious of all things I have to give
Tell me about all the struggles you face
Assaulted by trials while trying to live
Open the cover of well guarded books
Kept in the mind and bound lock and key
Study the stories between all the lines
Those pages all careworn are inviting me
I handle the volumes with delicate care
Preserving the copy that’s scribbled inside
Antique books that were pulled from the shelves
Plot lines and tragedies you’d rather hide
Hiding, though comfy, is just a respite
Eventually things bring themselves to the front
Darkness and doubt are the first to appear
Bruises of trauma both brutal and blunt
These things can’t define you, they’re not who you are
Lessons are street maps that lead us to growth
Knowing this now I implore you reach out
A good honest share is good for us both
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
For my friend Carrie, who like so many, holds the weight of the world sometimes.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
U.S.A.
Favorite Poets
Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.
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Comments
RoseBlack
Mon, 2023-01-23 13:30
This is absolutely beautiful
Thank you for this and for our conversation earlier!! Words cannot express what having a good friend means...thank you again.
~RoseBlack~
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2023-01-23 15:38
You are welcome
I have ultimate faith in your abilities to navigate the beautiful wreckage of life.
Always open for a chat
Tim
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2023-01-23 16:05
to: Tim & Carrie,
I find you both to be beautiful People...and souls.
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Mon, 2023-01-23 16:17
Thank you Cat
Your kind words mean so much to me. I am absolutely touched by everyone here on Neo and how they have rallied around me during some very difficult times recently. I am very blessed to have such an amazing extended family.
~RoseBlack~
Seren
Mon, 2023-01-23 21:59
Dear Tim
I think this is a beautiful tribute to Carrie.
I have found in my 16yrs doing this online (I've written poetry since I was 12) that poets seem to bottle it up then create works of art from their pain. I don't believe we can overshare unless specifically stated none of us know what is truth and what is fiction.
I have one suggestion, and normally I don't make suggestions on poems that are dedicated to other poets but in this case I am going to break my long held rule.
Eventually things bring themselves to the front
Given in the next line your first word is darkness I'd change *front* to light. Always just suggestions.
Congratulations on another fine poem
Love Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Rosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2023-01-24 04:40
I see your point
The stanza would need to be reworked for that to happen. I see your point and I’m thinking about it a bit. It’s my experience that when you’re at the place I’m talking about there isn’t much light because we are delving deep into our own darkness so I’m not sure they’re coming to light though they are realizations: “ah ha” or “light bulb moments”.
I’m going to look into it,
Tim
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2023-01-24 04:47
Ok here’s my take on that
Hiding, though comfy, is just a respite
Eventually things bring themselves to the front
Darkness and doubt are the first to appear
Bruises of trauma both brutal and blunt
Think about the word front less about being in line and more like a battle front, trench warfare, hiding in your foxhole. Eventually you are gonna have to go over the top. All the while being strafed and bombarded by ordinance from your own thoughts. Knowing the only way to stop the shelling is to get up and charge their position.
I also wanna keep blunt in that last line, it’s derivative of “blunt force trauma”.
With that image in mind could you read that stanza again? Tell me if you still think it should be changed.
Tim
author commentSeren
Tue, 2023-01-24 06:57
Tim
No don't change it. You're absolutely spot on after re-reading it many more times I don't think you should. It's perfect as it is.
It's a wonderful tribute
Love Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
RoseBlack
Tue, 2023-01-24 03:38
Hello Kat
Thank you for your kind words. You are a welcomed addition to the site and I look forward to working with you in the very near future.
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Thu, 2023-02-02 11:20
It seems...
that I've missed another brilliant piece, due to my "sick days". I love it! I love it even more, because she loves it! It's perfect!
~ Geez.
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