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The person with passion
Our eyes had
pranced upon the presence of a man
who gurgles up guilt
and spews out pain .
All the while his face
inflamed with passion.
Remains still painted
with those
immense primrose
patterns of fashion.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Ray Whitaker
Sat, 2022-04-16 09:56
A longer line verse from you!
YAY! I think you're writing works better that way.
suggestions....
L2, use "chanced" instead of "pranced"
L6-7 drop the period, combine the lines somehow giving continuity with what is inflamed, or fashionable.
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Edward nigma
Sat, 2022-04-16 10:38
Thank you
My inspiration
https://youtu.be/M9tCLrkAXPU
Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-04-16 11:02
dear Edward,
and spews out pain .
All the while his face
inflamed with (fashion) .use passion here
Remains still painted
with those
immense primrose
patterns of (passion)use fashions here
it makes more sense.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-04-16 12:00
much better!
I sent you a private message.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Edward nigma
Sat, 2022-04-16 13:03
Thank you
Thank you for your kindness.
Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.