Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
rains of relief
Here I lie
With my eye
sewn upon
the silky
sun satin
sky .
Waiting
for the clouds
to clash,
kick and
finally cry .
Letting
It’s pitter
patter pellets
of pain. To
fall down
with the
morning
rains of relief.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2021-07-12 10:09
I like this...
Nice images! I can see the silky-satin sun, waiting for the clouds to clash. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Ray Whitaker
Mon, 2021-07-12 15:35
Nice imagery
please consider doing this piece in couplets, for example:
Here I lay with my eye sewn
upon the silky sun satin sky .
Waiting for the clouds to clash,
kick, and finally cry .
Letting It’s pitter-patter pellets
of pain
To fall down with the morning rains
of relief.
it just seems to me that if written in this that there would be significantly more emphasis on the pain and relief part.
And this is just my opinion, don't mean to offend a'tall.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Obadiah Grey
Tue, 2021-07-20 13:06
Good take, ray.
Good take, ray.
Much better.
Obi.
Edward nigma
Tue, 2021-07-20 15:05
Thank you
Thank you
Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.