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Special Kind of Crazy Drama WS
I am the one
Mother told you about
The one that would steal your heart
In one love struck breath
Than rip it from your chest, literally
I am the one
Who was born in darkness
Tasted the foul city air
Before I was ever fed
Left beneath an old streetlight
Bloody and screaming
Wrapped in a dingy t-shirt
At least I didn’t wind up in her trunk
Someone else’s mistake
What a tragic fate
For a little girl
Who had no name
Ah a name, what’s really in a name
Now, I have many
Depending on which side
You want to see, if any
Passersby looked
But didn’t want to touch
Found hours later
By a lonely old man
Called me his princess
As he carried me off
But life was nothing close
To ever after, in fact
I was found by Satan, himself
Hidden away, in a room all alone
Daddy lied, he always lied
Said things were better this way
Sadistic old coot
Now shut your mouth
He painted my lips
Painted my face
Dressed me in her clothes
From head to toes
Trying to recreate the past
Once upon a time, he had loved her
But she stabbed him in the back
A shame she didn’t really
Ran off with another
Who had more to offer
Poor thing
I grew to hate her
No, not hate, LOATHED
I loathed her
She was first on my list
Just as soon as I got out
Night after night
I was beaten into submission
Tied and tortured until every part
Of my body seemed to bleed
Needles under my fingernails
Knife to my throat
I had to decide
His life or mine…
Since I am the one talking,
We know how this turned out
Left his corpse behind to rot
Now it’s just me and my friends
The ones inside my head
Carrying out the self-fulfilling prophecy
Comments
wesley snow
Sat, 2014-09-06 13:51
I don't hear multiple voices.
I hear one, first person. A very successful soliloquy. Do some editing though. You have a few typos. Nothing "dramatic".
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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lonlyhrtsclub13
Sat, 2014-09-06 14:02
I am good
With one voice, there was a few parts that I thought I could hear the tone change and it almost sounded like two people. That will come later in the story. Glad you liked this and it was successful. Will have to go back and look for the typos. Sometimes I type faster than I think and don't pay attention. What is the next assignment?
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Ian.T
Sat, 2014-09-06 19:17
Carrie
Sounds like Nevermore is lurking in the shadows, or is she just being born.
Loved the write, mine could go any direction, this is fun and freedom.
Take care a grand write, Yours as always Ian. T xx
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sat, 2014-09-06 19:36
Ian
Thank you for the read!! Glad you like it. This is the beginning of Nevermore. I have recreated her over and over but this is a little different. There are sides of her, personalities, identities you have not met yet. This is fun and it is freedom, this is how I like to write. Perhaps Dramatic Storytelling is where I should go, instead of working to achieve perfectly structured poetry.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Ian.T
Sun, 2014-09-07 04:14
Carrie
A hand that can carry an axe can also pick up a child.
There is no need to be in one groove, the world is out there so enjoy,
Yours as always Ian x
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
wesley snow
Sun, 2014-09-07 13:51
Ian is right.
Don't deny one form of poetry for another as each one teaches the other.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
China Blue
Sun, 2014-09-07 15:15
Carrie
I almost thought you had lost your train of thought for a moment in that I ead two people
but I see where you had come back
I am interested to see how you would use this in the next phase of the workshop
btw this sent chills through me nice work
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sun, 2014-09-07 16:48
chrys
It was meant to read as two people since she has multiple personalities. I will need to perfect how the two interact throughout the play. Glad it sent chills :)
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Lonnie
Sun, 2014-09-07 17:19
Hello Carrie,
Just wanted to say this write intrigued me and gave me a shiver or three! I know I'm not in the workshop, but felt I had to say this! Really good poetry!
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sun, 2014-09-07 18:59
thank you
Lonnie! Always great to hear from you. So glad this gave you a chill, the exact feel I was hoping for. Thanks a gain
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
wesley snow
Sun, 2014-09-07 18:02
I'll say it here too.
The play need not relate to the monologue. It can of course, but it needn't.
Carrie, if you can figure out Advanced Formatting (hmmm.) you can put the two voices of the same person in different print.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sun, 2014-09-07 19:00
I
Am going to explore this as I would like to keep going. Have the two voices talking or bickering with each other. Perhaps bring in a victim or two for a few lines....will take a closer look tonight.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-08 01:01
Carrie
I only heard the one voice. I did sense another voice that didn't stand come through.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
lonlyhrtsclub13
Mon, 2014-09-08 07:29
I had
Trouble with formatting but I think I figured out the advanced format to n on here to make the voice stand out but for the monologue, I think the hint of a second voice is kind of neat. I will revisit this in advanced format and see.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
wesley snow
Mon, 2014-09-08 18:08
The second voice is too subtle to deserve AF.
However, it would do you a world of good to figure it out, so I encourage you to make the attempt. Just repost or something with the second voice in bold type. It's kind of a pain, but once you figure it out it's like a bicycle.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
lonlyhrtsclub13
Mon, 2014-09-08 18:20
read the one
I posted last night..2nd voice in italics
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-08 18:53
Great idea italic
I will attend ti italic mine
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
lonlyhrtsclub13
Mon, 2014-09-08 21:59
it separated the two voices
So you see the argument between the two personalities, the internal conflict etc. Did you read the first part of my play last night?
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2014-09-08 22:48
Yep I hear the two voices and the
And the inner voice inside her. Great work. Setting apart the voices in stages like Wes's caco will draw the three voices front and center v
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2014-09-09 06:45
the other night
I published the start of my play...it should be somewhere in the workshop. Please read and let me know if you liked it.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
raj
Tue, 2014-09-09 01:43
Carrie
For me, I could hear and sense the turmoil of the character and almost hear the voice.
Jess, If you visit here I have a suggestion/request to make. Please read the poems in this WS and post the link, which you are good at, so that these poems become even more effective (dramatic)
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2014-09-09 06:46
raj
I am experimenting with the two people in one with these pieces. Something not usually done and it is fun to create. Please read the beginning of my play. It is somewhere in the workshop.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2014-09-09 11:44
Carrie
I easier way to get someone to you play would be to go there yourself copy the link and paste in your comment here.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
eightmenout
Fri, 2014-09-12 13:48
Carrie
I liked the story. Look forward to your second voice and third, fourth...etc
Scott
lonlyhrtsclub13
Fri, 2014-09-12 13:52
Scott
Please see Part 2 which is posted. I am working on Part 3, things got a little crazy toward the end of this week so it is taking me a little bit longer. So far I have three voices, not sure what will happen, if more will surface or not...we will see....
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"