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Untitled
For a blanket to wrap
It's woven threads between us
For the sound of morning
To wake us from slumber
For our hands to meet halfway
In a gentle touch
To weave our bodies together
For a moment to gaze
At the art of our Creator
For a time to draw close
And shed the distance between
For a night of song
And a twilight of soul
For the wish of a moment
And the treasure of many
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-03-23 21:30
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem demonstrates a strong understanding of imagery and the use of metaphor. The metaphor of a blanket's woven threads representing the connection between two individuals is particularly effective. However, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of metaphor throughout. For instance, the metaphor of weaving could be extended to other parts of the poem to create a more cohesive narrative.
The poem also effectively uses sensory details, such as "the sound of morning" and "a night of song," to engage the reader's senses and create a vivid picture. However, the poem could further enhance its sensory appeal by incorporating more varied sensory details, such as taste, smell, or tactile sensations.
The poem's structure could also be improved for better flow and readability. The current structure, with each line representing a separate thought or image, can make the poem feel disjointed. Grouping related lines into stanzas could help to organize the poem and make it easier for the reader to follow.
Finally, the poem's theme of longing and connection is clear and relatable, but could be developed further. For example, the poem could delve deeper into the emotions and experiences that underlie this longing, or explore the consequences of this connection being fulfilled or unfulfilled.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Sat, 2024-03-23 22:10
My first...
reaction when starting this poem was, what is meant by "For the"? For what? Thank you, for the? Looking for the ?
~ Geezer.
.
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Lavender
Sun, 2024-03-24 13:03
Untitled
Hello, zach,
Gentle and sincere. Reminds me a bit of marriage vows, or hopes extended to a beloved companion. There are a few points that could even resonate universally, out in the world. I would love to see a title here, to zero in on what these words specifically mean to you.
Thank you!
L