The way i see it
There is more than one type of sadness
The type that follows the death of someone
The type that is portrayed in movies
And is normalized
It is the type that comes with full force
And demands to be felt to its entirety
Washing over you and taking hold of all your emotions
Leaving you gasping for air
It is the type that people expect from you
The type that people talk about
Without shame
The type people find beauty in
The type that reminds you you’re still alive
And then, there is the type I’m more familiar with
It starts subtle
It doesn’t rush or drown you immediately
It’s the type of sadness that holds on to you slowly
And refuses to let go
It clings to you like a backpack
And it gets heavier each time it’s acknowledged yet even heavier when you dont
It eats away at you leaving nothing but a shell of who you once were
This type can be ignored
But be warned
When ignored it doesn’t go away
It lingers in the back of your mind
Emerging even at the happiest of times
The longer its ignored
The more apart of you it becomes
It carves grimaces into my face
Making sure it leaves its mark
Permanently wounding me
Reminding me that it would never truly go away
This is the type people don’t wanna talk about
It is seen as an illness people should hide
And if they don’t they are judged
Told they need to be medicated
Get fixed
If only it was that easy
If only they understood
If only they didn't see me as a problem
If only they validated my issues
Instead of making me feel insane
It's a part of me now
My every morning
My every night
It consumes my thoughts
It controls my actions
Ripping away the little will I had
Making even the mundane of tasks
Seem too strenuous
It makes me dread waking up
Everytime I go to sleep
It's the type that makes you wonder
what's the purpose of emotions anyway
The type that makes you so numb
Because thats less torturous than living with it
Its the type that makes physical pain seem less threatening
The type that isolates you
Just to make you feel alone all over again
Its a cycle you didn’t even know you were a part of
And by the end of it you can't seem to remember what you were sad about in the first place