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We're Almost There For It
"Where do dreams hide?"Once asked my child
"Behind the stars, I've always replied."
"The dreams hide, where stars reside."
" Once asked my child, where do dreams hide."
Where dreams reside, there shines a light,
With few brave steps , the way we'll find
Let's find the way where stars shine bright
There shines a light where dreams reside.
We aren't there yet, few steps are left,
to reach the dream we got to set
unfurl the dream, never forget
few steps are left, we aren't there yet
With hearts so fit, we're there for it.
A dream we oft longed out to get
Bit after bit, we'll never quit
We're there for it with hearts so fit.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
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I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Jordan
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2024-04-22 14:42
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The repetition of the lines "Where do dreams hide?" and "Where dreams reside" creates a strong thematic structure in your poem. This repetition helps to emphasize the central idea and adds a sense of rhythm to the piece. The imagery of dreams hiding behind the stars is evocative and adds a sense of wonder to the poem.
Consider varying the structure of your stanzas to add more visual interest and flow to the poem. Experimenting with different line lengths or stanza breaks could help to create a more dynamic reading experience for the audience.
Additionally, try to explore more unique and vivid language to describe the journey towards achieving dreams. This will help to engage the reader and create a more memorable and impactful piece overall.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Mon, 2024-04-22 13:58
We're Almost There For It
Hello, Wonderful Rula!
What an interesting poetry form! What is it called? You've done a great job, especially reversing the first and fourth lines in each stanza. It is also inspiring in its message. The innocence of the inquiring child is beautiful.
Thank you so much for this endearing poem!
Lx
Rula
Tue, 2024-04-23 17:02
Hello dearest friend
Thank you for your generous comment.
This form is called "Swap quatrain "
I am happy to know you like it. The reversing in the last line is part of the form.
Thank you again. It means a lot to have you on my page.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2024-04-23 00:24
I like...
the theme, and I get it, but maybe you might make the line that says:
"Where stars reside, our dreams reside", [And the stars hide, where our dreams reside].
Other than that, I think it runs smoothly. ~ Geezer.
.
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Rula
Tue, 2024-04-23 17:09
Sir Gee
So many thanks for your valuable thoughts. Your suggestion is implemented as suggested.
I always appreciate reading me.
Many thanks.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2024-04-24 09:19
As always...
glad that I might be of help. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.