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Season's Will (first poem)
https://soundcloud.com/user-992937220/seasond
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moments of joy she thought had left
Seemingly desire died in theft
With time to test her will to try
In season’s cold a lifetime wanders by
With spring so sure as swallows fly
With time in motion a lively sky
From a kindle deep inside heart’s churn
Moments of joy again return
With rain to wash as rivers fill
With trees to flower as blossoms thrill
Birds in chorus are seen at sill
All in all as season’s will
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
jane210660
Sun, 2017-06-25 14:53
Mark
I've added you to the workshop. Can you edit and scroll down and select Poets' first poems workshop. Then it will be saved on the workshop poems.
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Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
mark
Sun, 2017-06-25 15:03
I didn't know there was such a workshop.
Thanks!
author commentmark
Sun, 2017-06-25 15:06
That workshop is not listed in my dropdown.
So I sent it to the imagery workshop.
author commentjane210660
Sun, 2017-06-25 15:56
There should be poets first poems
In your drop down.
You marked it first poem in the title. Is it the first poem you wrote? If you look under workshops you'll see what I mean. It's not a workshop as such, more a bit of fun, looking at the first poem you wrote.
Cheers jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
mark
Sun, 2017-06-25 16:07
Yes.
It was in the dropdown. When I selected it then saved I got the serious error message. Hmm very strange.
author commentmark
Sun, 2017-06-25 16:10
OK
it is all good now.
Thanks and wow did I need to hunt for that poem. Ended up copying it from my book over there -->
lol
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2017-06-25 14:53
If you want...
to call it free-verse, go ahead, it rhymes enough for me. I like the theme and it would have been good for the Spring poem contest. A couple of lines in there that are a bit long for the rest of the poem, but all in all I would say a very good first poem. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Candlewitch
Sun, 2017-06-25 15:02
hello Mark!
dashingly good work here! I would never have thought that this was your first poem! it flows really well and has an interesting theme which held my attention throughout. good language usage and imagery. no forced rhyming found here, like so many first poems contain. much enjoyed this write. good to see you again!
always, Cat
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mark
Sun, 2017-06-25 16:15
Cat! LTNS
There is no rhyme scheme and had I known anything about what I was doing back when I may have developed my rhyming skills.
Thanks,
author commentmark
Sun, 2017-06-25 15:43
Watching swallows in a flurry
over the stream outside my window is what prompted me to write.
To this day I don't know why poetry.
That poem sent me on this whirlwind cavalcade ;~)
Thanks and I cannot enter the workshop because of some serious error.
I'm supposed to contact the site admin.
I thought that the notation of first poem after the title was simply a mark of nostalgia. I had no idea it was a workshop. Been too busy farting around I guess :~(
author commentjane210660
Sun, 2017-06-25 16:03
Try reloading page
The workshop is showing on my drop down.
Cheers
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
jane210660
Sun, 2017-06-25 16:03
Try reloading page
The workshop is showing on my drop down.
Cheers
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
scribbler
Sun, 2017-06-25 18:09
Hi Mark
Whether intentional or not the change in rhyme pattern in last stanza is very effective.......stan
wesley snow
Sun, 2017-06-25 19:25
Yes, an excellent first go.
I would not call this free verse. It is very organized.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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mark
Sun, 2017-06-25 19:53
OK then
yous got it and maybe I did plan it so ....just a long time ago :~)
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2017-07-03 05:09
Bloody love the recording!
A bit Tom Waits. It really makes the poem and utterly changes it's feel and import. How did you do the sound background? Your instrumentation? Did you record simultaneously or mix in Audacity or similar?
Thanks for this.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
mark
Mon, 2017-07-03 20:30
Thanks Jess,
I do a score on Sibelious on my lappy then run that through my home speakers and record it on audacity on my home PC. Then I lay the vocal track on audacity. It all sounds just OK until audacity compresses it and it is ultimately played on WMP or soundcloud.
Jess, your feedback is indispensable as I have been torn between adding scores and straight reading.
Thanks so much,
author comment