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Rite of the tree feller!
Down from the mountains
up in Alaska.
Seven feet tall and
built like a tank.
His name was Old smokey
and he had a red mustache.
He sported a axe that was
seven feet long.
The blade it was said,
would cleave a mans skull in two!
Walked into Coos bay
to have him a beer.
The loggers up north
had made him an offer.
To cut off the head
of dangerous Dan.
The price it was said to be
10,000 dollars.
Old Smokey went lookin'
at the first light of dawn.
He went to Coos Bay
to cut the man's head off.
When all in an instant
he spied the man Dan.
Picked up his axe and
sent it a flyin'.
The blade struck his skull
ant cut the man down.
The women and children
were screaming and bawlin'
He hopped on his mare and
headed straight out of town!
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What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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South Ogden, Utah
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-10-05 15:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Rite of the tree feller!" appears to be a narrative poem, telling the story of a character named Old Smokey. The narrative is clear and coherent, and the character of Old Smokey is well developed. The poem's structure and rhythm could benefit from some refinement.
The poem's narrative could be enhanced by adding more descriptive language and imagery. For example, instead of simply saying "He sported a axe that was seven feet long," the poem could describe the axe in more detail, perhaps discussing its weight, the shine of its blade, or the way Old Smokey carries it. This would make the narrative more vivid and engaging.
The poem's rhythm is somewhat inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the narrative. The poem could benefit from a more consistent meter. For example, the lines "His name was Old smokey / and he had a red mustache" have a different number of syllables, which can make the poem feel disjointed.
The poem's rhyme scheme is also inconsistent. Some lines rhyme, while others do not. A consistent rhyme scheme could help to enhance the poem's rhythm and flow.
Lastly, the poem's use of language and tone could be more consistent. The poem alternates between a more formal, old-fashioned tone ("His name was Old smokey / and he had a red mustache") and a more colloquial, modern tone ("The loggers up north / had made him an offer"). A more consistent tone could help to make the poem's narrative more cohesive.
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Jokerface82
Sat, 2024-10-05 13:13
Evil sun of gun
Very good !