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Archeology
Years from now,
We will be dead and buried.
Your laugh nothing more than
A whisper in the wind,
A breeze carrying off dandelion wishes.
Our headstones will rest together,
Aging together, as we did in life.
Tears from our loved ones will mix with rain
And our memory will fade with the engravings.
And years from now,
We’re forgotten by everyone but the Earth.
They will dig our bodies up
And find our bones entwined in each other’s arms.
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-06-05 03:13
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Archeology" presents a poignant reflection on mortality and the enduring nature of love. The imagery is evocative, particularly the metaphor of the laugh as a "whisper in the wind" and the image of the headstones aging together. However, the poem could benefit from a more varied use of language and structure.
The repetition of "years from now" at the beginning of the first and fourth stanzas creates a cyclical structure, but the phrase could be varied to avoid redundancy. For example, the second instance could be replaced with a phrase like "In the distant future" or "In time's fullness".
The poem's language is generally clear and effective, but there are opportunities to incorporate more figurative language or unique phrasing. For example, the line "Tears from our loved ones will mix with rain" could be rephrased to something like "Tears of remembrance will dance with the rain".
The final image of the bones entwined in each other's arms is powerful, but it might be even more impactful if it were expanded upon. The poet could consider adding a few lines to further explore this image and its implications.
In terms of rhythm and meter, the poem is mostly free verse, but there are moments where a more consistent rhythm could enhance the reading experience. For example, the lines "Your laugh nothing more than/A whisper in the wind" could be revised to something like "Your laugh will be but a whisper in the wind" to create a more rhythmic flow.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates its themes and creates vivid imagery, but could benefit from more varied language, expanded imagery, and a more consistent rhythm.
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Lavender
Thu, 2024-06-06 12:24
Archeology
Hello, Hippiemoon,
This is so introspective. Matter-of-fact, but still personal and affectionate. It leaves me with a feeling of peace and acceptance. Very cool title.
Thank you!
Lavender
hippiemoon
Sat, 2024-06-08 00:41
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your comment Lavender!!
Best,
hippiemoon
the moon and the stars made us who we are <3
author commentAlex Tanner
Sun, 2024-06-09 18:52
Hello Hippie
Another worthy win. I loved the thinking behind this one, not so sure about the execution of it. Nevertheless well done. Alex