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Challenge: My Free Style Poem

(Chipping Rocks)

Freeing slaves of Egypt,
Moses and Aaron lead
through the valley
of mount Sinai it's said
Moses knew the people
needed to be given hope,
so he contemplated and prayed
as the folk despaired and strayed.
inspiration struck like a bolt
so alone, up the mountain he climbed
communing with God in mind and heart
he composed the Laws of God for Man
40 days and 40 nights he labored to finish.
when he was done he carried those tablets down.
what should he find at journeys end?
The people worshiping false gods, making sacrifice!
In his anger he threw down the tablets
with a crack of thunder they broke.
The people were frightened, "fear not" said Moses
"I shall go back up and beg His forgiveness."
Again Moses went back to receive the laws of God.
40 days and 40 nights passed, at their close
Moses greeted the people with two new stone tablets.
Aaron asked his brother, "why did it takes so long?
did God have to tell you everything all over again?"
to which Moses replied, "I'm not that stupid that I needed telling twice.
No, I was up there, with hammer and chisel chipping rocks!"

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hand of god indeed. Being that the Hebrew’s were once captives in Babylon I would think they’d have been aware of cuneiform which is pressed into soft clay tablets and then dried. Saving I dunno about 38 days.

Lol
Tim

PS I was probably one of the idol worshiping sacrifice making heathens.

thank you for the added information ;) and for reading. it seems that our newer members are prone to posting poems and not reading them. I really appreciate your reading and commenting on my poem (it is actually an eddy styx poem, but he can't get a certificate, lol.

I doubt you were one of the silly people, or if you were, you found enlightenment fast! does heathen mean dweller of the heath?

I think you have a fascinating mind!

*ever, eddy styx
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
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author comment

Hello, Cat,
This is a gem! Captivating 'til its awesome ending.
L

I appreciate you!

*ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I am thoroughly enjoying your take on these topics. Held my attention to the end!

~RoseBlack~

I am really happy that my words into thought have entertained you. you need smiles. if I can provide them, I am content.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I really loved your poem. You'd think God could have save him some time and waved his hand and just given poor old Moses the tablets. Of course they ran amok while he was up chipping rocks they got bored. I shouldn't say such things but I'm in a mad mood tonight, mad good not mad grrrrr. Lol

I would've broke this up into the two trips up the mountain but that's just me. And always just a suggestion.

Love Always Jayne

What the heck is happening with the browser its adding ? And cutting off others. That's so weird.

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

the whole thing exhausted me, LOL! maybe I will wait a spell, like a few months and re-post it all. thank you for your suggestions. much appreciated!

*love, Cat
*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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