Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Disregarded (edited)
Disregarded
it feels like crap
to be ignored,
on this I stress
yes, underscored.
standing here
right before you
naked in the light
what more can I do
to make you hear me
make you see...
how much more obvious
than this can I be?
I write my heart out
trying to share
but how can it be
when you're elswhere?
to be overlooked
and pushed aside
damages psyche
and wounds one's pride.
so please don't leave
me hanging here,
on the end of a string
tied up in fear.
perhaps I should
just go to bed,
and push this from
my weary head.
*more lines added and some were revised. many thanks to my readers!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
c lynn brooks
Fri, 2021-04-23 16:19
Cat
It feels somewhat incomplete . Perhaps one more stanza as your ending has left me hanging. Close it up some
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
Candlewitch
Sat, 2021-04-24 10:55
hey Chrys,
I've added to it and revised a line. I hope this reads better now >{^*;*}< hello to Pixel.
thanks for your help, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentArrow
Fri, 2021-04-23 19:57
I get a clear sense
of how small and powerless the author feels. I feel like disregard is almost too mild, like it reflects something more like scorn or contempt. I struggle with this stanza:
I write my heart out
trying to share
but how can it be
when no one is there?
It seems in the rest of the poem that a key problem is that someone else IS there and that person is overlooking the author, who is standing naked in front of them (literally or metaphorically). I get the sense someone is there, they just do not care.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2021-04-24 11:04
hello Arrow,
thank you for your in depth critique of my poem, it is greatly appreciated by me. does the changes I made work for you? I wasn't angry, more hurt and impatient. and yes, I was feeling small and insignificant. due to the long hours Steve works. he is a software engineer and semi-retired. he works from home.
*hugs, Cat
*
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentArrow
Sun, 2021-04-25 10:14
Yes, it does
I think the lines are nicely ambiguous, too. That is, is the person literally elsewhere or is their mind simply somewhere else? The latter is often worse than the former. I think the new ending tied it up nicely. That was well-implemented good advice from Chrys.
Ray Whitaker
Fri, 2021-04-23 21:01
Agreed... on the someone else part
However the intent (to me) is to strike out at the someone...perhaps my thoughts are too obvious, however the anger in the poem is evident to me. Gives a goodly amount of energy to the piece.
Also agreed that the piece leaves me wanting more, like naming the relationship or place/space.
I somehow expected a sort of forward energy, instead of a place of resignation.
In the wilds of the USA, if you have n encounter with an angry bear, it’s not wise to lay down and play dead. There, it’s best to make a lot of noise, and grab onto some sort of weapon...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Candlewitch
Sat, 2021-04-24 11:12
thank you Ray,
I very much appreciate you taking the time to both read and comment on my poem. I wasn't angry, but you are right about the resignation, lol. tomorrow always brings a new day where we can start over. I've made some changes to existing lines and added couple of verses. I hope you like them.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentRay Whitaker
Sat, 2021-04-24 13:02
Really, not angry?
Oh, well, I guess I just read that into it. You never know what is the interpretation for the reader, eh?
It ‘s a good piece of work. You must have thought about it a lot. I’m thinking this is more than a bit autobiographical?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Candlewitch
Sun, 2021-04-25 10:20
you are right...
it is autobiographical. Steve is something of a workaholic. it is something he needs to work on and he knows it. if he forgets, I remind him. on the up-side, he reads all of my poetry and makes suggestions on it. he also helps me with punctuation now and again. he is most partial to my dark-sided poetry by: eddy styx and gives me good feedback. thanks for reading and your insightful comment.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2021-04-25 09:09
Maybe...
he needs to take a lunch break and attend to your psyche. Long hours is not an excuse for ignoring a naked woman ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Sun, 2021-04-25 10:22
LOL!
you can always make me laugh...and I appreciate that very much!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author comment