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Divinity Nuptials
When the sky's azureness
goes dark,
it's divinity party time;
the sun is wedded to the moon.
Candles on,
stars in billions outshone.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
just wanted to capture an image using the word nuptials. Any thoughts are appreciated.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Race_9togo
Tue, 2014-02-04 21:31
Hi Rula,
Love that word "azureness". I don't think it is a real word, but who cares; it's startling, descriptive, and the imagery it creates is intense, for me.
"divinity party time"
oh Yeah! Original, and vivid.
last two lines are wonderful.
I don't think you need to change anything here; for me, this is really, really good.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Rula
Wed, 2014-02-05 13:27
I needed the encouragement!
Thanks Jim,
many words I've used here for the first time and wasn't sure about.
I am happy you've found it original and lively? What more would any poet wish?
Many thanks for your visit. Much appreciate it.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
raj
Wed, 2014-02-05 13:31
Hi Rula
No wonder it is a short poem because the spectacle created in those few lines may have left you spellbound to watch and absorb...very crisp and effective free verse...
regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Wed, 2014-02-05 13:44
Thanks raj
It is a pleasure to know you found this captured effectively!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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William Saint George
Wed, 2014-02-05 16:25
Hi Rula,
I'll rewrite the first stanza the way I like to read it:
"When the sky's azureness
goes dark,
it's divinity's party time;
the sun is wedded to the moon."
I had a problem with the lack of an article after the first word. What I love about this is its brevity, and the image it creates. I'm trying to relate this to a real-life cosmic event, but nothing comes to mind.
.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
Rula
Thu, 2014-02-06 10:58
Thanks William
much appreciate your thoughts.
Done as suggested.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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alidzain
Wed, 2014-02-05 18:14
Hi Rula
You did it again! You left me speechless for awhile after reading it. Its always a pleasure reading your poems..Thank You very much!
Keep up the good work! You are really an inspiration!
Alid
Rula
Thu, 2014-02-06 10:59
ta
Khalid.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Seren
Thu, 2014-02-06 09:38
Rula
I think this is a gorgeous poem I can find nothing to suggest, beautiful job hun
love JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Rula
Thu, 2014-02-06 11:01
Appreciate
your visit dear Jayne. I am happy you like it.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Seren
Mon, 2014-02-10 09:26
Rula
I don't like it, I LOVE it :) I came back for a second read, bookmarked !
love JC xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats