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Ghost
I don’t think you can fully get away from me.
When you’re with her, you’ll feel the ghost of my love.
You’ll open your eyes after kissing her and you’ll think it’s me.
I’ll haunt you everywhere you go.
Every road you drive, every street you walk,
Every goddamn second of your life I’ll be there.
I’ll be waiting, watching, lurking.
I think you killed me.
My soul is not tethered to my body,
My emotions switch on and off at an instant.
My ghost holds all of our secrets now,
So I don’t have to.
You’ll feel my hands on your body,
My kiss on your cheek in the middle of the night.
You’ll wake up, reaching for me,
Pulling me in to hold me close,
And I won’t be there.
As quickly as my ghost came, She will leave.
My ghost will slip away,
Whispering your name as She goes.
You’ll reach your hand out for me.
You’ll beg me to stay,
To talk things out.
All of the things you should’ve done but never did.
And my ghost will leave anyways,
Just as you did to me.
She’ll tell you to go fuck yourself
As She kisses your cheek goodbye.
And when you awake in the morning,
You’ll wonder if She was ever truly there.
But I’ll never truly be gone.
I’ll be waiting, watching, lurking.
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What did you think of my title?
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Last few words:
The capitalized She was intentional, as was the shift between “I” and “She”
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-02-24 06:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses the metaphor of a ghost to convey feelings of loss, longing, and revenge. The repetition of "I'll be waiting, watching, lurking" emphasizes the speaker's intent to haunt the subject of the poem, creating a chilling effect. However, the poem could benefit from more varied language and imagery. For instance, the poem often repeats the idea of the speaker's ghost being present in the subject's life, but it could provide more specific examples or scenarios to make this haunting feel more real and personal.
The poem also uses direct language and dialogue, such as "She'll tell you to go fuck yourself". While this can be powerful and raw, it might be more impactful if the poem showed this sentiment through actions or descriptions rather than telling it outright. This could allow the reader to infer the speaker's feelings, making the poem more engaging and thought-provoking.
The poem's structure is mostly free verse, which suits its conversational tone. However, it might benefit from more consistent use of line breaks and stanzas to guide the reader through its narrative and emotional shifts. For instance, the poem could use a new stanza each time it introduces a new idea or emotion, helping to clarify its progression and make it more digestible for the reader.
Lastly, the poem's ending returns to the phrase "I'll be waiting, watching, lurking", which effectively brings the poem full circle. However, it might be more satisfying if the ending also introduced a new idea or image, giving the reader a sense of closure or a final twist to ponder.
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Jokerface82
Sat, 2024-02-24 02:18
Nice
Cool enjoyed it !
hippiemoon
Sat, 2024-02-24 18:12
Thank you! Best, hippiemoon
Thank you!
Best,
hippiemoon
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2024-02-24 10:44
A definite...
ghost story! I followed it right up to the end, without a hitch. Nicely done! ~ Geez.
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hippiemoon
Sat, 2024-02-24 18:12
Thank you so much!!
Thank you so much!!
Best,
hippiemoon
author commentLavender
Sat, 2024-02-24 19:40
Ghosts
Hello, hippiemoon,
Pretty chilling poetry. It feels both literal, as if the narrator has truly died, and figurative, representing the wrath of the narrator. Either way, this is a frightening read. I agree, nicely done!
L
Wondering if perhaps the title should be singular "Ghost." She's pretty powerful all my herself.
hippiemoon
Sun, 2024-02-25 17:58
Lavender
Thank you for your comment! I think you might be right- Ghost is a better title :)
Best,
hippiemoon
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