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Humanness
Today I feel Human.
And I know I am always human,
But now I notice it.
In the ways my legs ache
With each bend of my knee.
The way my heart sits heavy in my chest
Like a diving ring in a pool
Not going down, just sitting there.
The way my mind races,
And my bones ache for the cold,
Even though I don’t like it anyways.
This is not a bad thing,
Feeling Human,
In fact it’s the best way to feel.
Because along with the pain comes joy.
When my sides hurt from laughing
At a joke that really wasn’t that funny,
I am Human.
When my heart starts racing
Because a pretty boy has given me his jacket,
I know I am Human.
Giggling with my friends
Like a little girl with a schoolyard crush
Reminds me I am Human.
I find beauty in every unfunny joke I tell,
Every awkward silence I share,
Every bump, bruise, or scrape I endure,
For I know it makes me Human.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-02-28 17:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Humanness" effectively uses sensory details and personal experiences to explore the theme of human experience, both physical and emotional. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved for clarity and impact.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphors and similes. The metaphor of the heart as a "diving ring in a pool" is a strong image, but it's one of the few instances of figurative language in the poem. Introducing more metaphors or similes could enhance the sensory experience for the reader and provide deeper insight into the speaker's feelings.
Secondly, the poem could be more concise. There are several lines that repeat the phrase "I am Human," which can become redundant. Instead, consider using varied phrases or exploring different aspects of humanity to avoid repetition and keep the reader engaged.
Lastly, the poem's structure could be refined for better flow and rhythm. The lines vary greatly in length, which can disrupt the rhythm of the poem. Consider revising the poem to create a more consistent rhythm, which can enhance the overall reading experience.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively explores the theme of human experience, it could be improved by incorporating more figurative language, reducing redundancy, and refining the structure for better rhythm.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-02-28 11:09
Dear hippimoon,
I can relate to all you are saying in each scenario. I shall have you to look up to and try to emulate! For even pain, we know we are alive!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
hippiemoon
Thu, 2024-02-29 16:48
Thank you for your comment
Thank you for your comment Cat!!
Best,
hippiemoon
author commentLavender
Wed, 2024-02-28 21:37
Humanness
Hello, hippiemoon,
It's good to be reminded of the simple, yet extraordinary benefits of being human, along with the not-so-great drawbacks. Wonderful insight!
Thank you,
L
hippiemoon
Thu, 2024-02-29 16:49
Thanks for reading and
Thanks for reading and commenting Lavender!!
Best,
hippiemoon
author commentMermaidMaster
Thu, 2024-02-29 22:26
hello hippiemoon,
hello hippiemoon,
WONDERFUL poem. One of my favorites I’ve seen on this site!!!
I agree with lavender, what a great reminder of the beauty of being human. Thank you so much for sharing, I am genuinely delighted by your work.
Best,
MM
<3
hippiemoon
Fri, 2024-03-01 11:15
Hello MermaidMaster,
Hello MermaidMaster,
Thank you so much for your comment!! I’ve learned it’s important to persevere through the difficult times and remember that better times are on the way :)
Best,
hippiemoon
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