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I wish you knew

Submitted by Viviana Smith on Fri, 2022-11-04 15:54

I wish you knew I wanted you
that when I look at you a smile can't help but slip onto my face
I wish you knew I needed you
that when you talk to me my heart beats a mile a minute
I wish you knew I desired you
that when you touch me my whole body warms
I wish you understood
that you weren't out of my league and were the only player on my team
I wish you weren't so insecure
that you knew you could have me and I would have you
I wish you knew I loved you and not gone and killed yourself

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Triskelion

Sat, 2022-11-05 01:54

Triskelion's picture
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Your piece has a very sombre feel to it. Not sure if you're expressing yourself only, or perhaps also looking for critique. Seems you've been away a while.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Mr joghe

Sat, 2022-11-05 04:49

Mr joghe's picture

Nice poem
Good write!

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

Geezer

Sat, 2022-11-05 11:14

Geezer's picture
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to have you back, but sorry that you are so down. I sincerely hope that this is not a true story. Missed chances at love are bad enough, but to have such a tragic ending is even worse. Your tenses need to be adjusted. When you speak of past instances,
it should be:

I wish that you had known that I wanted you
that when I had looked at you
a smile couldn't help but slip onto my face
I wish you had known that I needed you
when you had talked to me
my heart beat a mile a minute...

You can trim down your lines and still get the message across.
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Viviana Smith

Fri, 2022-11-11 15:37

Viviana Smith's picture

Bad habits my steve lacy, i wrote it my way
It goes
I wish i knew you wanted me
i had an experiance like this with a boy thinking i didnt want him when he wanted me so i wrote
i wish you knew i wanted you

Kisses,
Vivi

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