Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

an interrogative word

Submitted by zuella on Wed, 2023-11-01 05:14

“Why?”
“Why not?”
“But why?”
Why does such a simple question make me an idiot?
Why does it land me in my bed, curled up, crying?
Why does It immediately make me six again, holding my stuffed toy and whispering to him in unintelligible sobs?
Why does it remind me that I’m never going to be the favourite child, that I’m the ever annoying one?
Why does it take me back to a pair of scissors on the shower floor, weeping quietly from my mouth and my body?
Why does it open my eyes to the world around me, the one where my best friend isn’t best friends with me?
Why does it remind me that I’m on my own and that ive got no place to put my childish tears anymore?
Why does no one defend my name in a room barring me?
Why does snivelling get no one anywhere when it’s so common?
Why does craving validation, academic, parental and relations wise, make me look puny?
Why?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
im a kid, i was feeling sad and I just wanted to write this and make something out of my pity to maybe show other people that have the same feelings as me that they're not alone
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2023-11-01 11:20

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "an interrogative word" explores the emotional impact of the simple question "why" and delves into the speaker's feelings of inadequacy and isolation. The repetition of the word "why" effectively conveys the speaker's sense of confusion and frustration. The use of rhetorical questions throughout the poem adds to the introspective and reflective tone.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure and rhythm of the poem. Currently, each line consists of a single word or short phrase, which can create a monotony in the reading experience. Experimenting with different line lengths and incorporating more descriptive language or imagery could enhance the overall impact of the poem.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to further develop the themes introduced in the poem. For example, the line "Why does it take me back to a pair of scissors on the shower floor" hints at a potentially powerful and emotionally charged experience, but it is not fully explored or expanded upon. Providing more context or delving deeper into

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Sun, 2024-03-17 11:40

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

made an impression on me.
I started out to look at your work on the site.
I see only one other piece in the four months that you have been here.

The only other commenter being the AI; no wonder that you haven't posted more;
who wants to be judged by a "BOT" ? I am surprised that you have taken the time to
post another poem. I agree with a lot of the AI says about your work, but feel that
if someone is to take an interest in helping you learn to be poetical, that you will have
more to say, and better. If you have a computer and a feature like notebook or pad, you
can write and erase until you get what you want. Follow some of the suggestions of the AI and edit..
I guarantee that you will get some feedback from a living body. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

zuella

Mon, 2024-03-18 04:42

zuella's picture

AHHH I just saw this, I really dont understand how to use this website sorryyy. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my silly little poems and write such in depth responses, youre so right, I really needed the human response over just the bots. Im going to start trying to write more and improve, all thanks to you.

-Zuella

The normal fear the poets and the poets fear the normal.
Thank you for your time!
-Zuella

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2024-03-18 09:39

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

and replied. You will figure out how to get around on the site as you go. I had some difficulty a first, but with the help of people here on the site, I got better and better. Never be afraid to ask questions about how to, or about this or that. There will always be someone to give you a hand. Your "silly little poem" touched me, and I couldn't help responding. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

zuella

Mon, 2024-03-18 17:03

zuella's picture

Your responses, ironically, are so poetic, lol. thank you Geezer!

-zuella

The normal fear the poets and the poets fear the normal.
Thank you for your time!
-Zuella

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.