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Reaper
Dark robed physicians
walk among the dead and dying
long beaked noses stuffed with garlic
stifles the putrid poisionous stench
consoling and pacifiying the doomed
painfull black pustules bursting
abandoned by all, only the devoted stay
they do not sleep, only weep burying their
tears with the dead,. all flesh and hope
taken by the awful reaper</p>
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Sat, 2016-01-16 17:18
Whoa.
Well first of all I'm afraid I didn't care for the poem very much.
Partly because I don't like verso libre anyway, but your poem troubled me. It had so much passion, but little clarity. It is nearly but one sentence. A stream of consciousness trip that doesn't make as much sense as it should.
You have a gift with language, but it would help you if you listened to your poem as another might.
Or you may not care if you are utterly understood and this is more of a release.
Welcome to NeoPoet. I'm sorry I missed you when you first posted, but I've been busy with our new workshop. If you're curious... check it out. We're working on three different classical forms. It might challenge you in a positive way.
Again welcome.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Buddha
Sat, 2016-01-16 21:36
Thank you for your review, I
Thank you for your review, I appreciate the feedback.
Sparrow
Tue, 2016-01-19 04:30
Bud
If I remember way back this is the picture of the Black death, maybe to satisfy others, "Ring a Ring of Roses" should have been brought in somewhere to take the dark edge off of the write.
This needs expanding into a story, as you can see by Wesley's comment it needs a little sort,
Yours Ian.T
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Buddha
Tue, 2016-01-19 21:43
Thank you Ian for your review
Thank you Ian for your review, always a pleasure.
Esker
Tue, 2016-01-19 11:05
Bubonic to Ebolic
white robed physisians with plastic facial gear
move amongst the dead and dying
the oozing once living
last rites before the passage
and safe packaging
reminds me of the little rezervation where the dogs
had rabies...they shot all the dogs and collected
the dog houses too...in a big heap in the back of
a one tone with stakes..drove it all to the
scrap gravel pit/yard and torched it all...
medieval exists forever
thank god our technology and systems can control
outbreaks...but sooner or later somethings gotta give
the influenza moved swift...
same as today...aircraft...buses..trains...
there are always those that get immunity too it
smallpox...influenza
perhaps an escape from a genetic modified creature
Plum island or west coast enclaves
a brave new world!!
thank U !
Buddha
Tue, 2016-01-19 21:46
Thank you Eskar for the
Thank you Eskar for the review, I appreciate the comparison between Ebola and the Black death. I'm sure a poem that combinds the the comparison would be a good one. It's your idea, run with it if you like.
lovedly
Tue, 2016-01-19 16:32
pustules bursrting
pustules okay====puss kind....
but
bursrting.....
perhaps bursting or bustring or bursting
which???
needs slight edit
may be only 4 ME
Buddha
Tue, 2016-01-19 21:48
Thank you Lovedly for
Thank you Lovedly for catching my error, It blew right by me.