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Spring Ain't Tomorrow...
Devastated with the news of
a late winter storm and black ice,
I was tempted to re hibernate
for the duration
Sweet little child of April,
the spring loaded cherub
of warmer weekends,
I was fooled by the sunshine
Woe is me... the jester grins dark,
and sweet April, mildly amused
promises to love me
next week.
Style / type:
Free verse
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New York State - USA
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Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-04-09 22:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Spring Ain't Tomorrow..." presents a vivid and engaging exploration of the unpredictable nature of spring weather. The use of personification, particularly in the depiction of April as a 'spring loaded cherub,' effectively conveys the capriciousness of the season.
However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. For instance, the phrase 'I was tempted to re hibernate' might be more impactful if it were more closely tied to the imagery of winter. Consider a metaphor that draws on the characteristics of a specific animal that hibernates.
The transition between the third and fourth stanzas could be smoother. The sudden introduction of the 'jester' and 'baby' in the fourth stanza is somewhat jarring, and it's unclear how these figures relate to the poem's overall theme. Perhaps these characters could be introduced earlier in the poem or their connection to the theme could be made more explicit.
Lastly, the line 'swaying drunk in the chill breeze' is a striking image, but it's unclear why the trees are described as 'drunk.' If this is meant to convey the trees' unsteady movement in the wind, consider a simile or metaphor that more directly communicates this idea.
Overall, the poem effectively uses imagery and personification to explore its theme, but could benefit from clearer transitions and more consistent metaphors.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-04-10 07:21
Dear Geez,
my favorite lines are:
Sweet little child of April,
the spring loaded cherub
of warmer weekends,
I was fooled by the sunshine.
you have been bitten in the butt by a false Spring?
I do not understand the last few lines of the poem. Could you give me a clue?
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Wed, 2024-04-10 07:43
Yep, bitten by the baby...
I had a vision of the "spring loaded cherub" as a baby teething,
and I thought that the introduction and ruination of the sunny disposition of said cherub,
properly introduced the image of the cherub as a baby teething. The jester, [which would be the false prince of Spring, and April Fool] grinning. The baby being mildly amused at the joke, promises to love me next week, when the weather is supposed to be much nicer. I see the need for a bit of a rewrite and will get to it a bit later today. As always, thanks for the read and comments; you usually manage to help me with your questions, thank you, ~ Geez.
.
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author commentLavender
Wed, 2024-04-10 11:35
Spring Ain't Tomorrow
Hello, Geezer,
I definitely get the idea here. Very clever! I agree that it could be a bit clearer with its foolery, but it won't take much. Maybe change the title? I'll be back!
L
MermaidMaster
Wed, 2024-04-10 21:36
Geezer,
I get the idea here too! I agree with Lavender I wouldn't change much except maybe a few tweaks to make it clearer. Nicely done and thanks for sharing!!
-MM
<3
Leslie
Thu, 2024-04-11 00:47
Geez
Spring's coming is always irratic. My favorite part " sweet April, mildly amused, promises to love me next week. I like
the title and the theme. It all flows well to me and makes understandable poetic sense.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Geezer
Thu, 2024-04-11 09:46
Thank you...
for the read and comments. I made a few adjustments and took out one stanza to make it a bit clearer. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentLavender
Thu, 2024-04-11 13:57
I like your revisions!
The whimsical feeling and meaning are much clearer now. A very clever poem!
L
Alex Tanner
Thu, 2024-04-11 18:42
Very apt.
We have been promised a fine, warm springlike weekend, but guess what for next week.