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Traces of/on me

Submitted by darigeorgieva on Tue, 2022-09-06 09:10

there is no rainbow
when the storms
follow me
*
drop by drop
my self-esteem is dying
without sunset
*
hearts that don't see
malice in others
and the address of my soul
*
the price of happiness
a homeless man touches
the book in the store
*
candlelight dinner
let me order my trust
after the dessert
*
if I wanted to cry
I would find ways
to touch his embrace again
*
another level of naivety?
a new kind of hatred
in my shoes
*
I'm not a stranger
only when you think
about solved problems
*
the crowd loves me
especially when
she doesn't see my past
*
when others speak
I seek their voices
in my footsteps
*
on the trail
of my tears
I lost the future

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
These are some haiku poems that I wrote for a national competition, but I was not awarded. However, I like them too much to be sad.
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week September 4th To September 10th 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

RoseBlack

Tue, 2022-09-06 22:47

RoseBlack's picture
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I really like how you composed this haiku and the story within it. I liked your use of language and how it flowed. Good job.

.

~RoseBlack~

darigeorgieva

Sat, 2022-09-10 08:25

darigeorgieva's picture

Thank you very much for your words. I will consider joining the workshop - sounds like an interesting challenge.

Dari Georgieva

author comment

Jackweb

Wed, 2022-09-07 00:56

Jackweb's picture

A very wonderful composition. It seems you have flair for haiku. Your choice of words are amazing. It flowed smoothly to perfection.

A very fine piece!
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

darigeorgieva

Sat, 2022-09-10 08:28

darigeorgieva's picture

Thank you for your comment. If the readers can empathize with my emotions, then this is a proof that I have succeeded.

Dari Georgieva

author comment

Ray Whitaker

Thu, 2022-09-08 18:18

Ray Whitaker's picture

I see that this is your first posted poem. I m always glad to see some one post their work for the first time here!

Your series of poems is interesting, I like your use of punctuation in using the "*" [star] to end each series. I enjoy the examination of self you use thru-out the series.

I must take issue with Roseblack and Jackweb, tho. Your innovative stanzas within the poem do not fall in a standard definition of Haiku. Syllable count , etc. Please refer to the link below for more on Haiku.

Nonetheless, I like the piece! Looking forward to reading more of your work!

https://www.britannica.com/art/haiku

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darigeorgieva

Sat, 2022-09-10 08:36

darigeorgieva's picture

Yes, this is my first published work here. To be honest, I thought for a long time whether to post here, but after seeing the comments, I found that this place is very useful for a young poet.

As for the construction in haiku - although I have many works that follow the rules (but in some, the syllables in the Bulgarian language are different from those in the English language, they change during the translation), I try to create my own writing style.

Thank you very much for paying attention to how I explore myself - for me, poetry is a path to self-understanding.

Dari Georgieva

author comment

Ray Whitaker

Mon, 2022-09-12 16:55

Ray Whitaker's picture

Thank you for pointing that out.

Looking forward to more of yiur work here.

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