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When I Win The Lottery

I would take time to pray
To thank God for the blessed day

I will have money to spare
Extra dollars for me to share

I would look at my family’s bills
And offer relief and thrills

I will give to my loving wife
A more peaceful and happy life

I will develop a family trust
Because I know that’s a must

I will travel to a different place each week
Making my life really unique

I will give to those in need
Living up to my professed creed

I see my future as a gift of life
Free of worry, free of strife

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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem has a clear and consistent theme, which is the speaker's aspirations if they were to win the lottery. The use of first-person perspective effectively conveys the speaker's thoughts and emotions, making the poem personal and relatable.

However, the poem could benefit from a more varied and complex use of language. The language used is straightforward and lacks metaphorical or symbolic depth, which could enhance the reader's engagement and interpretation. For instance, instead of directly stating "I will have money to spare", the speaker could use a metaphor to convey this idea in a more nuanced way.

The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout the poem, which gives it a rhythmic quality. However, the rhythm is somewhat disrupted by the varying line lengths. To improve the flow, consider adjusting the syllable count in each line to be more consistent.

The poem's structure is clear, with each stanza presenting a new idea related to the theme. However, it might be beneficial to include a conclusion that ties these ideas together and provides a satisfying end to the poem. For example, the speaker could reflect on the overall impact of these changes on their life.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more distinctive voice or tone. The speaker's voice is somewhat generic, and the tone is uniformly optimistic. Adding some complexity or conflict could make the poem more engaging and thought-provoking. For instance, the speaker could express some doubts or fears about their new life, or they could reflect on the potential downsides of winning the lottery.

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has commitment to God, family and humanity. I find that you are becoming better at rhyme and meter the more you practice.
Remember that you have control over the meter and the smoothness by choosing your words and the relativity carefully.
It is a practice, practice, practice thing. Read aloud and you will see where you need to adjust it. It can be a little work to see where you might leave out a word or add one to make the line smoother. As long as the idea of the line gets through, it is good. I know it's hard for old school to do things like leaving out words, but you will find that it is possible. Keep at it! ~ Geezer.
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Thank you. I am still trying and hopefully I can get better.
Thanks again

author comment

Thank you. I am still trying and hopefully I can get better.
Thanks again

author comment

Thank you. I am still trying and hopefully I can get better.
Thanks again

author comment

Thank you. I am still trying and hopefully I can get better.
Thanks again

author comment

Thank you. I am still trying and hopefully I can get better.
Thanks again

author comment

Thank you. I am still trying and hopefully I can get better.
Thanks again

author comment

Thank you. I am still trying and hopefully I can get better.
Thanks again

author comment

Thank you. I am still trying and hopefully I can get better.
Thanks again

author comment

that you are trying, and you are getting better. Don't stop! I like your honest work and the way it shows your character
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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