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Drifting boat
In the whispers of the water,
a lullaby so sweet,
the boat drifts ever onward,
in a melody complete.
A beauty no storm can shatter,
no tempest mar its grace,
it glides upon the surface,
gracefully floating in a serene galaxy.
Within this glassy kingdom,
where time is but a dream,
the boat sails on forever,
in a never-ending stream.
So let us be like sailors,
upon life's vast expanse,
finding peace and solace,
in the silence of this dance.
For in the quiet waters,
we find our truest self,
a reflection of our essence,
in the boat upon the shelf.
And as we drift in silence,
let our souls be free,
to journey to the horizon,
where all is meant to be.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-05-31 16:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Drifting Boat" beautifully captures the serene and peaceful imagery of a boat floating on calm waters. The use of poetic devices like personification ("whispers of the water") and metaphor ("glassy kingdom") adds depth to the imagery. The consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm create a soothing flow that complements the theme of tranquility.
One suggestion for improvement could be to explore more varied imagery or metaphors to enhance the depth of the poem. While the current imagery of the boat drifting on calm waters is evocative, introducing contrasting elements or unexpected twists could add layers of complexity to the poem.
Additionally, consider experimenting with different poetic forms or structures to further enhance the impact of the poem. Playing with line breaks, stanza lengths, or enjambment could create a more dynamic reading experience and emphasize the themes of journey and self-discovery.
Overall, "Drifting Boat" is a reflective and serene poem that effectively conveys a sense of peace and introspection. By expanding on
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
Fri, 2024-05-31 13:32
Hello Mini
This is awesome with a noble message! A winner on many levels.
I wonder if you have any intentions to keep the rhyme consistent all through as it makes it a smoother read.
Just my opinion
I have enjoyed reading this.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Mini
Fri, 2024-05-31 14:08
Hi!
Hi!
Im not sure,but thank you for your advice!
Manja
author commentRula
Fri, 2024-05-31 16:21
You need only
to rhyme line 2 with line 4 S. 2 and all is good
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Geezer
Sat, 2024-06-01 09:33
Rula has...
beaten me to the punch here and said everything there is to say about this one. I enjoyed the floating of a story; one that resonates with every lover. This is not free verse! It is structured western. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Mini
Sat, 2024-06-01 09:52
Hi! Thank you!
Hi! Thank you!
Also i actually put free verse I didn't even notice
Manja
author comment