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The unexpected

Submitted by Mini on Tue, 2024-06-25 06:47

Falling in love with you
Is the most astonishing thing,
For I never imagined
That eyes so blue
Could captivate me so deeply,
Preoccupying my mind
With your enchanting presence,
Becoming a light
In my dark path,
Warmth
In the coldest winter,
Star
In the night sky
And joy
In sorrow

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 06/23/24 to 06/29/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-06-25 12:50

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The unexpected" beautifully captures the speaker's feelings of surprise and admiration towards their beloved. The imagery of eyes so blue captivating the speaker deeply is vivid and engaging. The use of metaphors such as becoming a light in a dark path, warmth in the coldest winter, and a star in the night sky adds depth to the emotions expressed.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure or rhythm of the poem to create more impact and flow. Experimenting with different line lengths or stanza breaks could enhance the overall reading experience and add a dynamic element to the poem. Additionally, revisiting the use of clichés such as "light in my dark path" and "star in the night sky" could help make the imagery more unique and personal to the speaker's experience.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Fri, 2024-06-28 03:38

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A lovely dedication to the unexpected lover.
Love the imagery through out though some are overused for such a theme. You might like to think of more "unexpected" ones to describe your lover, but I like it as is and enjoyed the read.
Thank you for sharing.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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