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Get to the Treasure

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Sat, 2023-01-28 23:28

I fall to the ground, my tears fall with the rain
Life slowly leaves my body in the day to day drain
I fight all the voices that say I'll never be enough
But they're winning the battle, I want to give up

But then when I get where I'm headed, that feeling
Makes up for all the joy that pain has been stealing
You have to go through storms to get to the treasure
Sometimes you gotta feel pain to get to the pleasure

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Sun, 2023-01-29 15:50

Lavender's picture
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Hello, Shelby,
We can all relate to this, moving along from the pain to the reward and pleasure. Another wonderful message! The rhyme is tight and the the rhythm is smooth.
Thank you!
L

Shelby Pryor

Sun, 2023-01-29 18:40

Shelby Pryor's picture

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

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