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Trials and Triumphs
At Midnight tonight
As the clock clicks
Its another birthday
Another age shifts
It's been a hard year
Not ideal at best
The triumphs make
It worth the test
On a cold, snowy night
My life had only begun
Seventeen years have passed
Yet I'm nowhere near done
So here's to a year full of
Success and desires awoke
To a new year of happiness
To another barrier broke
A year is a measure of time
Only created in the mind
I wonder what would happen
If to time we were blind
So goodbye, sweet sixteen
You taught me many a lesson
I wouldn't change a thing
When all is said and done
Hello, seventeen years old
And to all the unseen bumps
I'll try to make you proud
Through the trials and triumphs
© Shelby Pryor
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-02-21 23:53
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Trials and Triumphs" effectively captures the theme of growth and resilience through the passage of time. The use of imagery such as the clock ticking at midnight and the reference to a snowy night adds depth to the poem. The contrast between the difficulties faced throughout the year and the sense of accomplishment in overcoming them is well portrayed.
One suggestion for improvement could be to consider varying the rhyme scheme or meter to add more musicality and flow to the poem. This could help enhance the overall rhythm and make the poem more engaging for the reader. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphors or symbolism could further enrich the themes of growth and perseverance in the poem.
Overall, "Trials and Triumphs" is a reflective piece that effectively conveys the emotional journey of the speaker. With some refinement in poetic techniques, the poem has the potential to resonate even more deeply with the audience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Thu, 2024-02-22 18:07
Trials and Triumphs
Hello, Shelby!
If I'm reading this correctly, today is your birthday? Happy 17th! Wonderful title that depicts pretty much any age, but 17 maybe a bit more than others...
Best regards for a great year ahead!
L
Shelby Pryor
Thu, 2024-02-22 20:15
Lavender
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! And thanks for reading!
author commentRoseBlack
Fri, 2024-02-23 07:50
Seventeen
A cross roads between being a kid and being a young adult. The trials and tribulations seem many but as you stated so well, the triumphs outweigh those tough times. Well constructed and I like the flow. I like your honest take on the age and where you are at. Happy Birthday...well done.
~RoseBlack~
Shelby Pryor
Sat, 2024-02-24 10:26
Roseblack
Thank you so much for the kind words, I truly appreciate it!
author commentLeslie
Fri, 2024-02-23 09:16
Shelby Pryor
No doubting your wisdom, great poem. Forgive me if I don't expound!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Shelby Pryor
Sat, 2024-02-24 10:27
Leslie
Thank you so much!!! :)
author commentSteamboat_Denny
Mon, 2024-02-26 22:21
Feedback
What did you think of my title? I think it's attention grabbing
How was my language use? Fitting for the subject matter, straightforward language for a relatable topic
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing? Very good and organization of thoughts, I liked your use of slant rhymes
How does this theme appeal to you? It's relatable, I just turned 30 last month and felt similar things
How was the beginning/ending of the poem? Great, the opening was attention grabbing and made it clear what the poem is about and I love how the title comes from the last stanza
Is the internal logic consistent? Yes, it's very unified and coherent
Shelby Pryor
Tue, 2024-02-27 20:55
Steamboat_Denny
Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it!
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