Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Golden Dawn Light
In the sacred circle of the temple we align our highest nature,
The truth of our ambitions and suffering now laid bare,
As the burning fireball of the sun by the night is slowly taken,
The legends of old and legacy of the new we all share.
Connecting to the energies of the pineal crown sephiroth,
We align the power centres of a renewed spiritualised soul,
And with aspirations and new hope from the awakened gods,
We connect the divine essence to our macrocosmic control.
And in the dark night hours we see a multidimensional light,
Penetrating through us from the stones which still stand,
And future visions manifest through our creative astral sight,
As our true form harmonises with the ley-lines of the land.
And as rays of the golden dawn light shine deep into our soul,
A unity of forces glows within sealing our elated mind whole,
Replenished and fulfilled with a warmth repairing tears and holes,
Enlightenment and illumination are now our higher nature’s goals.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-08-23 20:02
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Golden Dawn Light" presents a rich tapestry of spiritual and metaphysical imagery. The use of esoteric concepts such as the "pineal crown sephiroth," "macrocosmic control," and "ley-lines" suggests a deep understanding of mystical traditions and adds a layer of complexity to the piece. However, this complexity may also pose a challenge for readers unfamiliar with these concepts. Simplifying or providing context to these terms could make the poem more accessible to a wider audience.
The poem's structure is consistent, with each stanza comprising four lines. This provides a steady rhythm and aids in the flow of the narrative. However, the rhyme scheme appears inconsistent, which could disrupt the reader's rhythm. A consistent rhyme scheme could enhance the poem's musicality and readability.
The imagery in the poem is vivid and evocative, particularly in lines such as "In the dark night hours we see a multidimensional light," and "rays of the golden dawn light shine deep into our soul." These lines effectively convey a sense of spiritual awakening and transcendence. However, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery to ground these abstract concepts and create a balance between the tangible and intangible.
The poem's theme of spiritual transformation is clear and effectively conveyed through the narrative. The progression from the initial alignment of the highest nature to the final attainment of enlightenment and illumination is well structured and provides a satisfying arc to the poem. However, the poem could benefit from a more personal perspective or emotional insight to create a deeper connection with the reader.
In conclusion, "Golden Dawn Light" is a complex and thought-provoking poem that effectively explores themes of spirituality and transformation. With some refinement in terms of accessibility, consistency in rhyme scheme, balance of imagery, and emotional depth, it has the potential to resonate with a wider audience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Thu, 2023-08-24 08:30
Spiritual Transformation
The highest elevation one can change in themselves. Beautifully written with great imagery. Well done
~RoseBlack~