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How They Remember You

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Wed, 2023-01-04 23:00

Our lives won't don't last forever
Sooner or later they will all end
And when that time does come
Will they say you broke or tried to bend?

Did you give up or give life everything you had?
Friend, you'll leave a legacy no matter what you do
Your life is your strongest message, make sure it's inspiring
In the end, it's not if, it's how they remember you

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week January 1st 2023 to January 7th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Seren

Tue, 2023-01-10 13:32

Seren's picture

I am an old member returned and I checked your review request and noticed you only want moderate critique.

I think this has the potential to be a very good poem, but I feel it lacks in its language use, I am happy to offer suggestions but not knowing you I am going to leave that up to you.

I think it needs fleshing out a little and maybe adding a couple of more stanzas. maybe even one more?

Nice to meet you!!

Sincerely Jayne-Chloe

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Shelby Pryor

Wed, 2023-01-11 20:22

Shelby Pryor's picture

I'm always open to constructive criticism, I must have entered the wrong critique. If you have suggestions I'm always happy to hear them! Thank you for your comment!

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2023-01-10 14:54

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

great message you have delivered here. I hope your wise advice doesn't go unheeded.

* respectfully, Cat & eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Shelby Pryor

Wed, 2023-01-11 20:23

Shelby Pryor's picture

Thank you so much! Your comments are always so encouraging!

author comment
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