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A part of me
Authenticity,
kept me warm in a blizzard,
electricity, inside of me,
summoned by a strange wizard,
courses through veins, addiction has lost power, underestimate it and it steals your reigns, ingesting bittersweet and sour Memories.
Torrential downpour, leaves the soul melancholic, potential hidden in the core, subdued by the need to frolic
I don’t want to whine and cry, but I fear the moments when loved ones die, it reminds you of your own mortality, when you are pushed from all sides,
then your introduced to hollow reality
Addicted to wise words, examined from different angles and Perspectives,
learning to sheath our swords, insights as precise as detectives,
freezing with ice in my blood, until I injected life into my artery,
as the brain begins to flood, with chemicals that are so much a part of me.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-09-03 19:00
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "A part of me" explores themes of authenticity, addiction, mortality, and self-discovery. The imagery and metaphors used throughout the poem effectively convey the emotions and ideas being expressed.
One suggestion for improvement is to consider the structure and flow of the poem. While the poem has a consistent rhyme scheme, some of the lines feel slightly disjointed or abrupt. For example, in the second stanza, the transition from "Torrential downpour, leaves the soul melancholic" to "potential hidden in the core, subdued by the need to frolic" feels a bit sudden. Consider revising the wording or adding additional lines to create a smoother transition between these ideas.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from further development of certain themes. For instance, the exploration of addiction and its power is intriguing, but it could be expanded upon to provide a deeper understanding of the speaker's experience. Similarly, the theme of mortality could be explored in more detail to enhance the emotional impact of the
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Sun, 2023-09-03 14:39
A part of me...
enjoyed your piece, but the format made it a tad hard to read.
The four line or verse or stanza, doesn't necessarily have to rhyme, [look at most of the other works here]
but it helps the reader to read without their eyes traveling the whole width of the page.
Your poem does rhyme quite a bit and I'm sure that you could do it consistently without much effort.
Which makes me wonder why you would label it as free verse?
I suspect that you are in a hurry to get something out there, and the way to do it, is to not worry
about searching for words that rhyme and make sense.
Take more time, I would be more impressed with a better finished piece. ~ Geezer.
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