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The Years Pass So Fast
Another winter is on the approach,
As another year blows by,
The pressure is zero below,
Time constantly running out,
It's not fun to have to run from fears,
How many summers do I have left here?
Cold wind blows on my face,
Frozen encased in stone,
Paralyzed by fear of the unknown,
Of what the future holds,
Choking up on the trials that have yet been known,
Sensations we all must feel.
This is true pain of the most painful,
How to move on without them here,
No possible way to heal from the burns,
Courtesy of the lingering devil on our shoulder,
Whispering in our ears,
Clouding our vision from deep within,
Pulling you down to the true depths of despair.
Life is a torturous game,
Of suffering overlapping pleasure,
And a bit of joy mixed with agony,
Reality is both friend and foe.
Challenging burdensome manifestation,
Of valuable things offered by being,
The unknown coincidence none of us know about,
Deep unanswered questions about meaning and existence,
And it's bloody stains on our hands.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2023-08-26 07:21
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Years Pass So Fast" captures a sense of urgency and contemplation about the passage of time and the challenges of life. The imagery of winter approaching and time running out effectively conveys a feeling of fleeting moments and the pressure to confront fears.
The poem also touches on the theme of mortality and the fear of the unknown future. The lines about being frozen, paralyzed by fear, and choked up on trials evoke a sense of helplessness and vulnerability. The reference to the lingering devil on our shoulder adds a layer of internal struggle and temptation.
However, the poem could benefit from some refinement in terms of clarity and structure. Some lines and phrases feel disconnected and could be further developed to enhance the overall coherence of the poem. For example, the line "Sensations we all must feel" could be expanded upon to provide more specific examples or descriptions.
Additionally, the poem introduces the idea of suffering overlapping pleasure and the complex nature of reality, but these concepts could be explored in more depth
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