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Thin Blue Line

I wear a badge, my uniform is navy blue
I work to protect people, people just like you
Serving justice is my one and only objective
My heart is golden, my senses protective

My eyes are vigilant, my blood runs blue
I stand for the flag, and all that is true
I wake up each day to protect one and all
When death looks into my eye, I stand tall

Some wonder why I risk my life this way
Why I put it all on the line every single day
Truth be told, I'm not fighting what I see
I fight for those who stand behind me

I face the devil every single day
Every night I bow my head to pray
That God will spare me one more shift
That I'll heal some pain, fill come rift

There are those who hate me for what I do
They have a riot when told to back the blue
I'm forged in justice like gold over a fire
Justice in my step, I walk the Thin Blue Wire

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Thin Blue Line" presents a clear narrative voice and a strong theme of duty, sacrifice, and resilience. It effectively uses a first-person perspective to provide insight into the mindset of a law enforcement officer.

However, the poem could benefit from more varied and complex language. The language used is straightforward and direct, which can be effective, but also risks coming across as simplistic. Experimenting with more metaphorical or symbolic language could add depth to the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.

The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout, which gives the poem a rhythmic quality. However, the rhythm is occasionally disrupted by lines of differing lengths. Maintaining a consistent meter could improve the flow of the poem.

The poem's theme is clearly communicated, but it could be developed further. The poem touches on the challenges and rewards of the speaker's role, but it could delve deeper into these aspects to provide a more nuanced portrayal. Additionally, the poem could explore the speaker's personal feelings and experiences in more depth to give the reader a fuller understanding of their perspective.

Lastly, the poem's ending could be more impactful. The final line, "Justice in my step, I walk the Thin Blue Wire," is a strong image, but it doesn't provide a clear resolution or final thought for the reader to take away. Experimenting with different ways to conclude the poem could make it more memorable.

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author comment

Hello, Shelby,
Thank you for this perspective. Many thoughts and feelings within. Strong title and final line. If this is about you, thank you for your service!
L

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the comment and the appreciation. I'm not a police officer yet, but I'm about to enter police academy. Thank you for the compliment!

author comment

And best of luck in the police academy.

~RoseBlack~

Thank you!

author comment
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