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Undivided Focus
Don't let anything break your concentration
Ignore the haters and their suffocation
Zone in on your goal, perfect your skill
When you go for something, go in for the kill
Don't allow others to affect your dreams
Don't let them tell you what life truly means
You can't change others, but you can control you
Don't let their darkness define what you do
When things get heated and the battle draws near
Stand strong and don't show an ounce of fear
Hold your head up high when life doesn't make sense
You'll be called cocky, what's wrong with Confidence?
Walk like you're the king or like you don't care who he is
Don't be intimidated by someone else, you're ready for this
I know you have doubts, but every single champion does
Winning requires blood, sweat, tears, pain, and Undivided Focus
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Seren
Thu, 2023-01-19 01:08
Dear Shelby
Now I really like this. I love that it's a little longer!!
I thoroughly enjoyed the rhyme. I initially wrote only rhyme and then moved more to freestyle as I grew here. Off the top of my head all the poems that I've read so far from you, are rhyme. Do you ever write freestyle? Even though they don't rhyme if you get the rhythm they can be exhilarating because you're not constrained.
Well done I will look for the other poem you recommended tonight my time when I come to post my new poem.
Kind regards Jayne x
I'm writing a Canto and have been for many years, so far it's got 1894 verses. It's my magnum Opus I guess you could say lol
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Shelby Pryor
Thu, 2023-01-19 07:49
Serene
I'm glad you enjoyed it! And no, I've never really tried freestyle. I'll have to try it. A Canto? That sounds exciting! Best of luck and thank you!
author commentSeren
Thu, 2023-01-19 15:15
Shelby
I look forward to reading your freestyle. It's good to step out of the comfortable and be challenged!!
Cantos are not easy I've been slowly writing mine for 10yrs or more now...
Hugs Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Rosewood Apothecary
Thu, 2023-01-19 04:59
Excellent
Very well thought out and complete poem. The ending stanza has the most interesting timing and rhyme. Musical subdivisions!
There is a stanza I found to be cumbersome but I don’t have any real suggestions at the moment. Maybe something will come to me.
Anyway, go crush whatever you have going on today! It’s your dominion!
Tim
Shelby Pryor
Thu, 2023-01-19 07:50
Rosewood Apothecary
Thank you! I sure will try!
author commentShelby Pryor
Thu, 2023-01-19 07:56
Ekaterina Alexa
No, I guess I hadn't lol. And thanks for the feedback, always a pleasure to hear from you!
author commentShelby Pryor
Thu, 2023-01-19 14:25
Ekaterina Alexa
Awww Thank you so much!!! That means a lot!
author commentLavender
Thu, 2023-01-19 10:03
Undivided Focus
Hello, Shelby,
I always look forward to your positive messages. This one feels especially strong. A little quibble in S3L3; "life don't make sense" should be "life doesn't make sense."
Thank you!
L
Shelby Pryor
Thu, 2023-01-19 14:26
Lavender
On stanza 3 line 3, I thought I did put doesn't. I guess auto correct changed it lol. Thank you so much for the comment, I really appreciate it!
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