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Unstoppable

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Wed, 2023-01-11 20:35

There's a moment in everyone's life
When the fire in their heart takes over
Heart racing, adrenaline on overload
As the toughest battle draws closer

You brace yourself and get prepared
You won't quit until you complete the mission
You grit your teeth, give it your all
It's high time you knock out the competition

You can keep your silver, I'm after that gold
A heart and will like mine makes anything possible
You can help me or you can get out of my way
Dont try to slow me down, because I'm Unstoppable

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

[This option has been removed]

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Wed, 2023-01-11 21:40

Unstoppable

Hello, Shelby!
Another inspiring, positive message. The rhyme is fairly tight and the rhythm for the most part is smooth. I do struggle with the rhythm a bit in the longer sentences, especially "With a heart and a will like mine, nothing is impossible." Perhaps keep the same strong message, but tighten up the language with something similar to "My heart and my will make it possible." Wonderful title. Enjoyed reading, as usual!
Thank you!
L

Shelby Pryor

Thu, 2023-01-12 01:21

Lavender

Thank you so much! I'll edit those longer sentences so they'll keep pace better! Thank you so much for the comment, I truly appreciate the kind words!!!

author comment

Oluwatobi

Thu, 2023-01-12 01:47