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Captivated by Fright
What is it you see when you stare at me?
Are you trembling with fear?
Overwhelmed by my grotesque image
Gasping for air, And can not look away?
What in my eyes do you see?
Fleshless yet hungry
Soulless but hellish
Unforgiven and cold blooded
Approach or run
You think you have a choice,
Like A shark I smell blood
through the tiniest of vein.
Madness will thrive and reign
Inside the burning of these eyes
Flickers every horror you can conjure.
Come closer and look at the carved
out lanterns relished in gloom.
A shrine to mark Jack-O’s unholy departure
My first conquest met his swift demise.
Barely lasted to embrace his deepest terror.
Don’t bother hiding, I like toying with my food.
Savor it bit by bit long into the night
before I devour.
Sweat tricking down your face
No need to fret, deary
Soon, too, you will be among the ghoulish
walking demented fools.
Slain and dead
Lost and gone
Haunting and despised
Do not dread the inevitable
Fright is only part of the game
that awaits the rest is pure savagery.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-10-25 03:51
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Madness in fright," presents a vivid and chilling narrative from the perspective of a menacing entity. The use of direct address to the reader effectively creates a sense of unease and tension.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality. The lines vary greatly in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Experimenting with a more consistent structure could help to create a more immersive reading experience.
The poem's imagery is rich and evocative, particularly in lines such as "Inside the burning of these eyes / Flickers every horror you can conjure." However, some metaphors and descriptions could be clarified or developed further. For example, "A shrine to mark Jack’s demise" is an intriguing line, but without further context or development, its meaning is somewhat ambiguous.
The poem's tone is consistently dark and menacing, which effectively conveys the speaker's threatening nature. However, the use of the term "deary" seems somewhat out of place given the overall tone of the poem. Consider revising this term to maintain the poem's consistently ominous atmosphere.
The poem's ending could also be strengthened. The final line, "Are you frightened much?" is a bit casual in comparison to the rest of the poem. A more powerful or haunting final line could leave a stronger impression on the reader.
Overall, the poem effectively creates a chilling narrative and atmosphere. With some revisions to improve the poem's rhythm, clarify its imagery, and strengthen its ending, it could be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Fri, 2023-10-27 14:33
hello poet!
your creation of a Halloween poem is chilling! it very much appealed to my dark-side! wonderful work...my favorite lines are:
You think you have a choice,
Like A shark I smell blood
through the tiniest of vein.
Madness will thrive and reign
Inside the burning of these eyes
Flickers every horror you can conjure.
* best of luck, Cat
*
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