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Discover Your Place

Submitted by Alan Garfoot on Thu, 2023-07-20 13:34

As we dance life energies flow through our form,
With healing loving essences so blissful and warm,
Replenishing the aura where it is damaged and torn,
Restoring our inner radiance where broken and worn,

The pure hope and freedom resonating in our beings,
Dissolving away the pain and torment that we have seen,
To satisfy the inspiration of our soul is now our only need,
In the dawn of a new tomorrow we plant this fresh seed.

We create a horizon of inspiration through true affection, ,
And through our endurance overcome the woe of past misdirection,
Passing on the spiritual beauty of the shared souls true elation,
Becoming the cosmic prototypes of the creative mystic nation.

As we emerge upon the plateau of a divine celestial grace,
We embody the shared equality of a compassionate human race,
Comprehending the souls reality of a truly solar spiritual space,
Discovering our beings reality and truly original unique place.

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week July 16 to July 22nd 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-07-20 19:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Discover Your Place" explores themes of healing, renewal, and self-discovery. The language used is evocative and carries a sense of hope and inspiration. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.

First, consider the use of clichés in the poem. Phrases like "healing loving essences," "dissolving away the pain and torment," and "plant this fresh seed" are common expressions that can weaken the impact of the poem. Try to find fresh and original ways to convey your ideas, avoiding overly familiar language.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from more specific and concrete imagery. While the concepts of "inner radiance" and "spiritual beauty" are intriguing, they remain somewhat abstract. Adding vivid and sensory details can help to ground the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.

Lastly, consider the structure and flow of the poem. The lines are generally consistent in length, which can create a sense of monotony

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Thu, 2023-07-20 20:50

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was good, the language use also.
Your rhyme is very good and doesn't seem forced.
The pace is fair and varies only slightly. I think that your rhyme scheme is one of the hardest.
Line for line rhyme is hard to do and keep in context.
A spiritual leaning that flaps its wings and soars. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Alan Garfoot

Mon, 2023-07-31 15:18

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thankyou for the love and positive feedback

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RoseBlack

Fri, 2023-07-21 04:48

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Makes me think of floating through the astral plane, searching the universe, a spiritual awakening. Good job.

~RoseBlack~

Alan Garfoot

Mon, 2023-07-31 15:19

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You obviously know exactly what I am about...

Thankyou x

A.P.

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